34. Listen to Me, Darling

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Okay, I need to give a trigger warning for this chapter. I'm going to try to leave out as many descriptive details as possible, but I still need to get Ellison's past across and believe me when I say that it gets deep. This is going to be kind of a hard chapter to read for some and even harder to write for me because it's kind of very personal.

I just want to say that I am not glamorizing the idea of suicide, nor do I think that it is selfish. I have gone through a lot of what Ellison has gone through as I based her story kind of off of mine with the exception of a few minor details. If anyone is going through/ has gone through this or depression, or even just losing close friend/ relative, just know that you are not alone. I have gone through the same growing up and I want you to know that I am always here for you. Feel free to talk to me whenever you like; my DMs are always open!

Love you to the moon, my friends! Xx

Enjoy :)

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I didn't know what to say.

Or how to act.

Was this even what I thought it was?

Did I even want it to be?

Diamonds. That's all I could see.

And not just two or three, but, like, twenty.

Twenty way too fucking many.

The three large, bright diamonds placed in the middle sparkled off of the reflection from the fire, illuminating a bright rainbow right through the center. My eyes were so big though, and mouth so silent, and thoughts so still that the only logical thing to do was to slam the lid down and throw it back at Niall. Literally.

I couldn't tell who was more stunned though. Me or him? Judging by his wide eyes and blank face, it would be easy to jump to the conclusion that Niall was definitely not expecting that, but I didn't doubt for one moment that I didn't look like a deer in the headlights as well.

I could feel my heart pounding louder and louder as the silent seconds passed by with no one saying anything, but rather just watching the scene unfold in front of them.

As if zapped by lightning, I was frozen with so much emotion surging through me, all while silently praying for Maura to speak up because if one more minute ticked by without a word, I was for sure going to break down in a fit of nervous and panicked tears.

"Ellison, I know that this was unexpected, but–"

"Stop." I squeaked out, barely audible as my chest caved in and lugs felt as if they were becoming harder to expand. It was like they were being suffocated by this massive weight dangling in the air.

Niall then chuckled, his facial features softening as his eyes made sure to hold my stare. "Relax, Ellison. It's not that kind of ring." His words didn't seem to help much, though. It was clear that whatever this was, held a lot of importance and raw emotion.

A type of emotion that I wasn't exactly ready to open up to yet.

Niall knew a lot about me, but he hasn't even really scraped the surface of what I am or who I am as a person. He's come to know the front– so well, that I think he's actually memorized everything about that girl, but there was so much more to me than just that front. So much more than what he's ever been able to see.

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