Dwelling on Dreams (A Marauders Fan Fic)

Memories

That night Sirius finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, a strange feeling of numbness spreading through his body, as if it was trying to protect him from the worst of the pain.

A beam of golden sunlight shone through the slight crack in the curtains, dancing over Sirius as he woke up. Half asleep, he stretched out and felt nothing beside him in the bed; in fact it was cold as if it hadn’t been slept in the night before. “Cassie?” he called quietly. “Cassie?” Suddenly he heard a noise from the bathroom and he trained his eyes on it, expecting to see her appear in the doorway at any moment, but nothing happened. He sat up and padded across the floor, pushing the door open slowly. “Cassie,” he said as he did so, “what do you want for-” Sirius stopped as he realised that there was no one in the bathroom and the memory of what had happened the day before crashed back into him, reducing him to a snivelling mess on the floor.

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“Padfoot! Padfoot!” hissed James’ image in the mirror, his eyes looking suspiciously swollen.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry Padfoot; we saw it in the Daily Prophet this morning.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do Prongs,” Sirius whispered brokenly.

“You’ve just got to keep going mate. That’s what she would have wanted; for you to be happy. Look, I know it’s not much but you’ve still got us,” James said, his words mingling with sobs which came from somewhere behind him.

“Is that Lily?”

“Yeah she hasn’t taken it well at all; she’s been crying non-stop since we found out. It’s only fair, Cassie was her best friend,” he replied, his voice cracking a little as he too tried not to cry. “At first I didn’t believe it but…”

“James? Is that Sirius?” sniffed Lily from behind him. “C-can I talk to him for a minute?” Suddenly Lily’s face replaced James’ in the mirror, her lips trembling as she attempted to be brave. “Sirius!”

“Hi Lily.”

“I can’t believe it,” she mumbled, dissolving into tears again as James appeared in the background and hugged her. “I mean… it was Cassie! Cassie! She never- she’d always- and you-”

“Ssh Lily, it’s okay,” soothed James. In that moment Sirius was intensely jealous of them; they’d lost a good friend but they still had someone to share the pain with. They still had each other but Sirius was alone.

“Be happy Sirius. It’s all she ever would have wanted for us,” said Lily when she had finally recovered. “We just have to- to keep going and stay safe so that she didn’t… didn’t die in vain. And keep talking to us! Whenever you want, whenever you need.” Lily was cut off by a whimper from behind her, Harry having picked up on the mood in the house. “You’ll always have us Padfoot; just remember that.”

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Dumbledore rolled the deceptively small flask in his fingers as he contemplated what he was about to do, the silvery contents swirling around in it like strands of thread. His knock on the door was answered by a dishevelled looking Sirius, who seemed a bit embarrassed to see Dumbledore on his doorstep. Dumbledore followed him into the house, sensing an air of sadness lingering in every room, a wish for life to go back to the way it had been before.

“I have something for you,” Dumbledore began.

“I don’t want it,” Sirius replied shortly.