Snapped

Insight

Have you ever thought that somehow things happened in ways of good luck and bad luck? As if everything has a balance. I always felt if you had a really bad day, something really good was meant to happen. But my grandmother told me once that there was no such thing, events just happen as they happen. It didn't make sense at first but after a while it sunk in. Mainly because of my situations and what I went through. No matter how many bad things happened in my life, no “good luck” occurred. This so called “bad luck” was just so repetitive. Long story short, let’s just say things kept getting worse and worse by the day. My family kept shifting apart more and more everyday. It seemed never-ending. I have a father who doesn't even know what going on in my life. I could get kidnapped right in front on the man, and he wouldn't see thing. Ever since he got divorced by his 3rd wife, he just let himself go. My brother Dwayne is just a plain douchebag. He has gotten two girls pregnant and hasn’t stepped to plate to care for either baby, not once. And he just doesn't care what he does in life. He's gotten arrested two times and recently dropped out of high school. Which made no sense. He was a senior and had only 3 months left till he graduated. Seriously, who does that? He has no job and comes home whenever he feels like it. My father says nothing to him. He can go out almost every night and get drunk and not come home for two days. But if I don't do the dishes on time, he throws a hissy fit. He’s just someone who I have to say is my brother but to be honest, sometimes I’m not proud to.

Sometimes I wish I knew my birth mother. She died when I was 10 months old in a car crash. I guess drunk drivers never learn to stay off the road. My grandmother said my brother and I were her everything, and there was nothing she wouldn't do for us. She also said my dad was a more of a role model at that time. Wish I could of remembered the days. I've seen pictures of her and we look so much alike now that I'm older, it's scary. It's like she was reincarnated in my body. We have the same brown curly hair that peeked past our shoulders, big brown eyes, and high cheek bones. I sometimes dream about her face, but she never speaks. Probably because I cant remember her voice, I was so young. She was into the same hobbies I as me. Reading comics and interested in space. A couple years she passed away, my dad went through hardship and wanted to throw a lot of her things away. I seen box with comics and astronomy books and hid it from him in my closet. So, every now and then I will go and look through the books and pictures. Ever since then, astronomy has been my everything. Actually, when I was 9 years old, a very tiny piece of a meteor hit my backyard. I was the only person to see it because it was late and I was playing with the frogs in the backyard like the weird kid I was. I still have the rock piece stashed away in my room. Ever since then I was always interested in astronomy, no matter what interest came my way. Also when I was 11, I started saving to get a very good telescope, so every night I can see beyond the spherical world I live in. The one I wanted was 2,000 dollars. I probably would have been halfway to my goal but my father had other plans. He was drunk one night and busted in my room as I was counting my secret funds for my telescope and he took it. I remember everything he said 

"Listen you brat, you saving the money I give you to buy some dumb telescope is a waste!” He yells in my face. He grabs my hand tightly and pulls the money from my grasp. I was in such shock, I didn't respond. Or even react. I just watched as he stormed off and slammed the door. I cried and prayed all those nights wondering why something that I worked so hard for, got taken away so easily. Eventually I just started fresh and hoped the day would come, very soon, were I had enough to get what I wanted. And now comes school. The place where I get picked on by hormonal teenagers. But it honestly doesn't phase me anymore. It’s happened so much, to the point that I don't let it get me down. But, we’ll see…