You don't have to say nothing (An Example/Elliot Gleave FanFiction)

Part Fifty-Two

I arrive at my mum's house. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I never thought I would have to come back here. I look around at the front yard and they've had the lawn re-turfed, which makes it a little easier to forget what happened that day. Although I will never be able to forget fully, I hope we won't hate each other forever. After all they are my parents.

"Thanks for coming, Leela." My mum says, whilst opening the door and then stepping to one side, so I can enter.

"This better be good." I comment, as I make my way through to the dinning room.

"Not in there, honey. The living room." Mum tells me. It must be serious.

I change my direction and walk into the living room. The moment I walk in, I see my dad sitting on the sofa, with another man. "What's going on?" I ask.

"Your father and I, thought you might need a little help. This is Dr Hendles, he's here to help you." Mum says.

"Is he a shrink?" I ask.

"No, he's a psychiatrist." Mum tells me.

"I don't need to see anyone, mum. I'm perfectly fine." I tell her, but she won't take no for an answer.

"Look, I know we're not the best of friends right now, but I want to make sure you don't hurt yourself. You've just lost a baby and this man is here to help. Even if you don't like it, it won't hurt to try." She tells me. "Just sit here and talk to him for a while. Me and your dad will leave you to it."

Dad stands up from the sofa and makes his way over to the door. "I love you sweetie." He tells me, before leaving the room, with mum following behind him.

"Come and sit down, Leela." Dr Hendles says with a smile. I sigh, before doing what he asks.

"Where do you know my parents from then?" I ask, picking up one of the cups of tea that have been left on the table, with a plate of biscuits, that I assume are me for me Dr Hendles.

"I went to university with your dad. They're really worried about you, you know?" He tells me, whilst taking notes.

"Are they now?" I ask, not believing it. "Did they forget to mention the fact that they cut me off when I told them I was pregnant. They stopped all my money and then they had the nerve to tell me to get an abortion. Well I guess they're happy now."

"They did, but that doesn't matter, Leela. This session isn't about their side of the story, it's about yours."

"Thanks for trying, but I don't need any help, I'm fine, really. So you can just go now, Dr Hendles."

"Please, call me Dan. I'm here to help you make sense of what's happened. I'm not going to sit with you for hours asking you how you feel, I just want you to see me as a friend giving you advice." Dr Hendles tells me.

"I just don't feel like I need it." I tell him.

"Please, just give it a try. I know you don't think it will help, but how do you know if you don't try?" He asks.

"Fine, I'll give it ago." I roll my eyes.

"Okay, so start off by telling how you felt when you found out that you were pregnant." He tells me and I instantly regret my decision to talk to him. I feel so guilty about everything and I don't want him to think that I'm a bad person.

"I felt horrible." I admit, hoping he will leave it there and skip to the part where I lost the baby, after all that is what all of this is about.

"Why did you feel horrible?"

"Because it ruined my life." I tell him.

"Why was that?"

"Because I had to drop out of university, meaning the last few years of my life were a waste of time and then my mum kicked me out and stopped all of my money and cut all the electricity and everything in my house. So basically, I was left with nothing but a fatherless baby." I tell him and it feels good to tell somebody about all of this for once. I've never really felt like I can talk to anyone about this because I didn't want them to judge me and see what a horrible person I am. I haven't even told Elliot.

"And how did this make you feel?"

"To be honest, it made me feel like I was sinning by being pregnant and my parents didn't help by trying to force me to get an abortion. They made me feel like I was the worst person on earth and I was a disgrace. I guess they're happy now, they don't have to face my child." I tell him, trying to hold in the tears. I don't want to break down in front of him. I need to be strong, for me and Elliot.

"Leela, it doesn't matter what your parents tell you. If you're happy, then you shouldn't listen to them." He tells me, putting down his note pad and looking straight into my eyes.

"I know and I even though I didn't realise it at the time, being pregnant and planning to start a family with Elliot was the happiest time of my life and now it's all gone. It's true what they say you know? You don't know what you've got until its gone." I tell him.

"Yes, but now you know what you want from life. Although it is a terrible thing to lose a baby, you need to try and learn from it."

"How are you supposed to learn from that?" I ask, not sure that it's even possible.

"Well before you said that you didn't want the baby because it ruined your life, maybe next time, you will know what you want. This was a way of telling you what you really want because you might have gone your whole life thinking that having this child was a mistake." He tells me and although what he's saying could be a little offensive, I take it on board because I know he's right and he's just trying to help me.

"So, do you think that I should have another baby?" I ask.

"If that's what you want then yes, but not right away. You need time to mourn your loss first." He tells me.

"So when do you think I should try for another baby?" I ask, desperate for a date, so that I will finally be able to have the child I so desperately want.

"It's hard to say, but if we carry on with the therapy, I will be able to help you through it and we will be able to determined when you're ready." He tells me and I suddenly realise that he's just after my money. The more sessions I have with him, the more money he earns. He could tell me now, but he wants to wait it out and see how much he can earn from me.

"Actually. I think I'm going to leave the therapy." I tell him, standing up to leave.

"Why? I thought it was going well." He tells me.

"Yeah, so did I? But you just want my money." I say, and he looks disappointed.

"I want to help you, Leela. Your parents are good friends of mine and I've already agreed to help you for as long as you need it, for free." He tells me.

"Really?" I ask him, surprised.

"Yes, so would you like to carry on after all?" He asks me.

"Yes, okay. When can our next session be?" I ask him.

"This time next week?" He asks.

"Okay, would it be possible for me to bring my boyfriend at some point? I think he's struggling a bit." I ask him.

"Of course. I'll see you here in a week." He tells me and I leave.