You don't have to say nothing (An Example/Elliot Gleave FanFiction)

Part Forty-Seven

When we finally get home, I can’t help but be reminded of what we’ve lost. I get out of the car and I make my way to the house. Elliot unlocks the door and we both head inside. Even though it’s the same house, it doesn’t feel the same, it doesn’t feel right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. We were supposed to bring our first born child back here and it was supposed to be one of the best days of our lives, but now that’s never going to happen and all because I had something Ella wanted. Elliot closes the door behind us and we walk through the house in silence. I sit down on the couch, where I sat just hours before, the spot where I suddenly felt ill. “Do you want tea?” Elliot asks in almost a whisper.

“No thanks” I say, whilst staring straight ahead.

“No, me neither” he replies, looking at the floor.

“Do you want me to help you get changed?” he asks me, in the same depressed tone. I look down at my clothes and I soon realise that I’m still covered with blood. The blood which marks our loss.

“Ok” I say, before bursting into tears again. Elliot helps me up and he puts his arm around me for support. We head upstairs and once we get to the top. I soon notice the spare room that was going to be the baby’s bed room. I close my eyes, in an attempt to ignore it, but I can’t. I feel Elliot’s arm disappear from around me and when I look up, I see him rushing into the baby’s room and pushing everything off the shelves that we’d placed cuddly toys and books on. Once the shelves are clear, Elliot puts his head in his hands and starts to cry. I slowly walk over to him and I place my hand on his shoulder to comfort him. He then turns around and hugs me tightly. This wasn’t like before though. He was hugging me like he never wanted to let me go and I never want to let him go either, but this too hard. As I stare at the room, over Elliot’s shoulder, I feel a pain deep in my gut. I can’t stay here, not now. Everywhere I turn all I see is what could have been and I don’t want that. I slowly push him away. “I can’t do this, Elliot” I say, with even more tears streaming down my face.

“You can’t do what?” he asks, and I can see that he’s hurting, but I’m hurting too and I need to get out before it’s too late. This isn’t helping me.

“I’m sorry Elliot. I just, I have to go” I tell him, whilst wiping my eyes.

“Go where?” he asks, sounding worried.

“Away from here, away from this” I tell him.

“No, Leela. I can’t lose you. Please, I love you” he tells me.

“The only reason we were ever together is because you felt like you had to be because I was pregnant and now I’m not, so you can move on. You can have the life you wanted without me holding you back” I tell him, as my head begins to hurt from all the crying.

“That’s not true and you know it. I’m with you because I love you Leela. Can’t you see that?” he asks me, whilst crying.

“I just have to get out, Elliot. This just isn’t right anymore” I tell him.

“Well where are you going to go?” he asks me, wiping the tears from his eyes. I don’t want to hurt him, but it’s hurting me to be here. I can’t hold him back anymore. They say if you love something, let it go and that’s just what I’m doing.

“I’ll go to Steven’s or something” I say, before making my way back down the stairs. Once I get outside, I lean on the brick wall, which goes around our front garden. I put my head in my hands and cry. I didn’t want it to come to this. I just wanted to be happy, but I can’t see that happening now. What do I have left without the baby? Nothing. I need to get away, do something else. I need a fresh start, so I can get over everything that’s happened.

As I sit sobbing outside the house, not yet knowing what the future will hold for me, I hear the front door open. I turn around to see Elliot emerging from inside the house. “Here, I packed you some clean clothes. I’ll give you a lift to your brother’s” he tells me, as he holds the bag out in front him. I take it off of him and we make our way towards the car. Why does he have to be so nice? I’m leaving him and he’s still helping me. I need him to be angry at me or something at least.

We drive to my Steven’s house in silence and it’s only when we pull up outside Steven’s house that Elliot speaks. “I’ll ring you tomorrow and we can talk things through properly. I think we both need a bit of space tonight” he says. I clutch the bag tight in my hand, as I climb out of the car and make my way down the path. “I love you, Leela” Elliot says, as he pokes his head out of the car window and then pulls the car out of the drive. I wipe my eyes one last time, before knocking on the door and waiting patiently for him to answer. When he finally does, he’s not alone. He’s with Stacey.

“Leela?” Stacey asks.

“Did Elliot do this to you?! I knew he was trouble. Wait here” Steven says, moving me to the side and making his way to the gate.

“No, Elliot’s done nothing wrong, but I was thinking maybe I could stay here for the night” I say, trying to hold in the tears.

“Of course you can” Steven says, as he steps back into the house and beckons me in. I follow him and Stacey into the living room, where Steven sits me down on the sofa. He then sits down next to me, whilst Stacey takes the single chair in the corner.

“What’s happened then?” Steven asks me, looking concerned. He’s so quick to blame Elliot, but he’s done nothing wrong and besides Elliot is a nice guy and he shouldn’t be judged like that. He’s the one person that has been here for me through all of this and now I’ve pushed him away.

“I’ve l-l-lost the baby” I stutter. It’s the first time actually said it and now it feels so definite, like it can no longer be a nightmare.

“Well shouldn’t you be with Elliot?” Stacey asks me, as she moves from the single chair and sits down on the other side of me. She puts her arm around me, to try and comfort me, but it just makes me feel even worse. I’m an adult, I can look after myself!

“No, I left him” I say, looking down. I love him so much, but he doesn’t need this. It’s only going to make things worse if I’m with him. We need our own space.

“What? Why?” Steven asks me.

“He’s better off without me” I tell them, but they don’t seem to agree.

“Don’t be silly, Leela. He needs you more than ever now. You need to be there for each other at this time, only you two know what you’re going through” Stacey tells me.

“Can we not talk about this please?” I ask, whilst wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Ok well. Why don’t you go and take a shower and relax for a bit and we can talk about this later” Stacey suggests. I never realised that she was living here, but I suppose that’s none of my business. “It’s going to be ok, Leela” Stacey says, whilst putting her arm around me.

“No it’s not!” I say, pushing her off of me. “I’ve lost everything! How is it going to be alright?”I snap and she doesn’t say anything, she just awkwardly looks at Steven. For a best friend, she isn’t really helping much.

Once I’ve finished in the shower, I go into the spare room that Steven set up for me and I sit down on the bed. If someone said to me yesterday that this was how I would be spending tonight, I would have told them that they were crazy, but I suppose all good things must come to an end and the best thing that had ever happened to me has now gone and now I have nothing left. I hate how life just goes on and it’s as if nothing has happened. Time doesn’t stop, like I thought it would, everyone is still going on and doing what they always do, whilst mine and Elliot’s world has just been ripped apart.