Her Eyes

Chapter 19: Desperation

A/N HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! I myself hate valentines day, but since many of you like it, I feel obligated to say it. Well, here's the next chapter. This one is pretty intense so brace yourselves. :D 

“Izzy! Please, open up!” Liam’s voice drifted through the thin door separating us. The second we’d arrived home, I had locked myself in the bathroom. About an hour had passed since then, and I still refused to come out. The dinner went exactly how I feared. Sure, my Dad had stood up for me, but Mom’s words watered down the temporary joy I had felt in that moment. I felt trapped. Alone. Even my own mother hated me. 

“Iz, please!” Liam’s voice was getting desperate now. I felt a drop of something wet land on my hand. A tear. It landed on the hand that had a white knuckled grip on a tiny razor blade. The blade was pressed lightly into my wrist, close enough to cut. I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't. I swore to myself, and to Lizzy, that I would never do that again. 

“I can’t do this, Liam.” I whispered, my voice rough. Liam pounded on the door, harder than before. 

“Izzy, listen to me. You need to open the door. Let me help you!” More tears fell from my eyes. I pulled my legs into my chest and sobbed. 

“I don't need your help!” I screamed, my heart bursting with pain. I didn't want to feel pain anymore. Why couldn’t everything just be numb. Was love really worth loss? I didn't think so, at this point. 

“Niall, yeah, I need you here. It’s Iz. What? No, it doesn't matter, just come. Yes, just you. Will you just come? Okay, bye.” I heard Liam’s nervous voice speaking from across the door. It took me a minute to register what he was saying. 

Niall was coming. 

More tears poured from my already tired eyes as I pictured it. Niall would rush over here thinking I died or something, only to find me locked in the bathroom. He would knock and scream at the door just like Liam, but I wouldn't come out. I couldn't. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me so weak. 

Sure enough, about ten minutes later, the door flew open and footsteps echoed through the flat. Niall was here. 

I scuttled backwards towards the bathtub, facing the door. My hand was still gripped tightly on the blade, though I had no intention of using it. 

There was a gentle knock on the door, not at all what I expected. “Izzy, love? Are you alright?” Niall’s soothing voice drifted through the room. 

I sniffled. “What do you think?” I asked sarcastically. Niall chuckled quietly. 

“Ah, Izzy. Can you even say a sentence without sarcasm?” I smiled, despite everything. Niall was acting as if nothing was wrong, and I loved him for that. I didn't need people’s concern right now. I needed normal. 

“What do you think?” I repeated again, causing him to burst out laughing. 

“Can you please open the door now? Liam’s gone. It’s just me.” I considered my options for a moment. I could sit around and cry alone for hours more, or I could talk to Niall. It really wasn’t much of a competition. 

Shakily, I lifted myself into a standing position and walked over to the door. The blade fell from my hands and clattered to the floor. When I opened the door, Niall sighed in relief and took me into his arms. His eyes drifted to the blade on the floor, then back to me, but he said nothing. 

“Now, let’s go watch a movie or something until Liam gets back.” I frowned, stepping away from Niall’s embrace. 

“Where did Liam go?” I asked.