The Mistake

Stalker

"Come with me." He whispered in my ear, pulling me away from the crowd, who were too busy making out or drinking to pay much attention anyways. And I was too busy grasping the whole situation to actually respond. The loud music pulsed through my entire body as Lucas held me hand, his other hand on the small of my back, and led me away. The feel of his hand lingering there made my skin tingle.

I felt elated, my head was in the clouds. Lucas was actually talking to me, no, not only talking, he was taking me someplace. Someplace dark. Someplace quiet. The music didn't seem all that loud now. I giggled, enjoying the warmth that consumed me as he held on to me.

The next thing I knew, he was pulling me closer, sliding his hand over my waist. He smiled against my neck, then opened his lips to kiss me in that same spot. I sucked in a breath.

This was really happening. The guy I've had a crush on for years was kissing me. His mouth slowly travelled upwards, reaching my lips. He kept telling me how beautiful I was, how he'd waited forever for this.

I felt happy, without a worry in the world. I giggled again, I couldn't help it. I felt him kissing me, and I kissed him back, running my hands through his hair. Kisses were all I could feel, his face, sweaty from the cramped place, with his body against mine.

Lucas...

I woke up suddenly and sat on the bed, drenched in sweat. I was shaking, whimpering. Ragged breaths were all I could manage to inhale.

I wasn't breathing right, it wasn't right. I couldn't-

It was happening again. I tried breathing in deeply. It wasn't working. My mind was flooded with the memories, the choices and mistakes I've made.

No, how could I be so stupid? How could I have done that? I wanted to erase those memories, erase the pain and regret I felt. But every few days, I'd wake up in a panic, short of breath, my dreams forcing me to remember and relive the foolish choices I'd made.

I wouldn't let myself cry. It would only make the pain seem realer. Instead, I tried calming myself, and buried my head in my covers, sinking further into my bed, and make the feelings disappear.

Or maybe myself.

***

5;09 am. I took a look at the digital alarm clock that shone dully in the dark, reminding me it had been over two hours since I woke.

I tried closing my eyes, drifting into a dream-less sleep. But it soon became clear that it was useless.

I sighed, accepting the fact that, once again, I would have another partially sleepless night. I rolled out of bed begrudgingly, and I thought of something I could do that would take my mind off everything. For a while.

The thought of running in the dark, the cold air whipping at my face, instantly gave me enough motivation to get up. I rolled out of bed, put on some grey workout leggings, the first sports bra and tank top I could find, and laced up my sneakers.

Before heading out, I remembered it would be chillier than usual, since it was barely 5 am and the sun had yet to rise. I pulled my hoodie over my head. It was my favorite one; all black, except for the small, cute alien print on the upper right of the hoodie. I put my hair up in a messy ponytail, not bothering to look in a mirror to check the tangled curls that had formed while I tossed and turned. I headed out quietly, not wanting to wake my mother.