The Mistake

Choice

The cold water stung, the waves crashing on my bare chest as I paddled out behind the waves. It was around eight pm, but there was a full moon tonight, and I could still make out the waves' crests. It'd been an especially exhausting afternoon therapy session, and I just got the urge to paddle out and put everything out of my mind for a while, but in the hurry to load up the board, I'd forgotten my wetsuit.

I caught a couple of waves, but eventually, the dull ache from the icy water got too overwhelming and I shivered as I paddled back to shore. As I was rinsing off the sand from the board in the shallow water, a faint glow illuminated by the full moon caught my eye. I narrowed my eyes and reached into the sand, pulling out a dainty, curled pink shell with golden flakes scattered across it. I smiled when I recalled Sammi's excitement that she'd found one the other day when we were at the beach. She loved this shell. Not really sure why, I rinsed the pale pink shell off and put it in my pocket before I left.

***

I drove down the empty road, one hand on the wheel, the other resting through the open window of the car door. I'd decided to take the scenic route back home. It added another hour to the trip, but seeing the sun setting over the glassy ocean to my left was enough of a reason for the slight detour.

 It had been ten days. Ten days of submitting to some sort of mental torture that made me relive every ache, every moment of anger that I'd been trying to escape since I was a kid. The therapist scrutinized my every word, trying to turn every answer I gave her into some deep explanation for how I acted. I knew she had some truth in what she said, in some way what I'd lived through had molded me. But it was terrifying to face that truth; that what my father had put us through still had so much effect on me. I just didn't want anything to do with him-- or my memories of him-- anymore. But I felt lighter; like the air was suddenly easier to breathe in the farther I got from that town.

A short while after, I pulled up to my driveway. I'd passed by Sam's house on the way and thought about stopping by; I hadn't talked to her since I left. I'd called her, but she didn't pick up. But Sam never used her phone, so I doubt she saw it. As I drove past her house, I noticed there weren't any cars in the driveway and the lights were off. She must've been out. 

My mom was tending to the flowers on the front lawn, but when she heard the car, she stood up and smiled, tugging her gardening gloves off to come greet me. I opened the car door and tossed my bag over my shoulder as I walked to her. "My boy. You're back." She said through a warm smile as she hugged me, tenderly caressing the back of my head like she did when I was a kid. I breathed out, a weight seemingly lifted off my shoulders. These past few days of recalling the misery beaten onto my mother's face for years made me forget how different she looked now. She was like a completely different person. But why did I still feel the same? "How did it go?"

"Good." But she knitted her brows together, the corners of her lips turned down. I gave her a slight smile. "It was fine. Don't worry." 

"Nick! You're back!" I looked over my mom's shoulder to see Cassie in a helmet running full speed towards me. I dropped my bag on the floor and twirled her around as she screamed in excitement. 

"How are you, kiddo?" I said, setting her back on the floor. She giggled.

"Nick, guess what! My daddy taught me how to ride a bike today. You should have seen me."

"You can show him tomorrow morning, how's that sound?" David appeared in the door frame, smiling. "Welcome back, Nick." 

"Hey, David." I nodded once towards him, then turned my attention back to Cassie. "What happened to your arm, Cass?"

"Oh, yeah, I fell a couple times and I scraped it. It doesn't hurt so much anymore."  Cassie stuck her arm out to me to show me the deep scrape on it, the blood already dried. 

"That's going to be a badass scar, kid." 

"Cool." She said with a grin as she twisted her arm trying to get a better look at it. 

"Oh, Nick, Ben stopped by, he told me to let you know everyone's going to the bonfire tonight. Alex is there, too, actually." My mother said as she helped Cassie take the helmet off her head. 

The bonfire. That's probably where Sammi was.

"Yeah," I said. "I think I'll go check it out." 

***

"About time you got back from your two week vacation, man. You missed last week's swell. The waves were fucking huge." Ben shook his head at me as we walked to get a drink through the crowd of people.

"Yeah, yeah." I waved him off, my eyes scanning the crowd for her. As I was grabbing a beer, I thought I saw her pass by, and I took a step towards the brown head of curls that I thought I'd seen, but someone else stepped in front of me before I could see where she'd went.

"Nick! You're back. We've missed you these past two weeks." Susie beamed at me, one of her hands slightly tugging at her shirt, trying to reveal more cleavage  Her bright blue eyes and long blonde hair made her a 'bombshell' type of beauty around the school, but she'd made something of a... reputation for herself, which ended with everyone calling her Floozy Susie. I smiled politely and tried to dodge her, my eyes wandering behind her to follow the girl I thought could be Sam, but she persisted and her hand went to trace over mine. "So, want to get a drink?"

"Hey, look, isn't that your boyfriend over there?" I pointed behind her, her eyes went wide and she flushed as her hand flinched from mine. She stuttered nervously, but I didn't care enough to stick around for what she was trying to say.

 I made my way past her, my eyes still wondering across every brunette to find Sammi. I felt anxious to see her for some reason. It was like my body was back here, but my mind was still somewhere trapped in that neighborhood, that house. I felt the urge to just see her smile, to bring my mind back from that dark place. 

I didn't know why I hadn't realized it before, but the times I've been with her had been the only times I've felt something other than hollow.

Then I saw her.

She was standing alone by the shore, her feet digging into the sand as she stared out at the horizon. I took her in for a second. The wind tugged at her dress and wavy hair delicately, tossing a strand of hair behind her shoulders, revealing her exposed neckline, the light from the moon bouncing off of her skin. 

Knowing her, she was probably dragged here against her will by some of her friends. I could almost imagine her planning her escape route. I couldn't help the soft smile that played on my lips as I made my way towards her. I was about to call out her name, but somebody else beat me to it. "Sam." My eyebrows knit together as a figure walked up behind her, lacing his hands around her waist.

I stopped in my tracks, my smile disappearing when she turned around with a laugh to face him. I saw who it was then, and my gut twisted.

Jacob cupped her face and pulled her to him, kissing her. I flinched, my heart dropped to my stomach. Sammi closed her eyes, kissing him back. When they broke apart, Jacob whispered something in her ear that made her smile, and he guided her back to the bonfire with an arm around her waist.

I couldn't watch anymore. I turned around, dazed and confused as I walked away, ignoring a few people who would call out to me.

I walked back until the sound of the party was muffled and distant. I climbed into my car and sat there for what seemed like a long time. Then, it was suddenly clear, and the realization made my mouth taste sour.

She chose him.

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