Densi Forever

Shoot the Long Shot

Kensi's POV

"Deeks, come on, you have to do what the doctors are telling you!" I yell in frustration, throwing my hands in the air. "No, I don't! They're being absolutely ridiculous!" He yells back at me, a look of anger growing on his face. "No, YOU'RE being absolutely ridiculous!" I yell.

We've been here for weeks. Everything has been going great. Perfectly. Deeks has been getting better, pissing everybody off of course, and there have been no problems with anything. That is, until now.

"What's going on?" Callen asks, entering the room to see Deeks on the bed, head in his hands, fuming and me angrily pacing. "Deeks is being a complete moron!" I yell at the same time he says "Kensi doesn't know what she's talking about." I take a deep breath, trying to keep myself from yelling again. "Ok, one at a time. Deeks, what's going on?" Callen asks, turning towards him.

I mentally scoff. I used to be the favorite. Damn I miss that. But I know Deeks hates the attention from this, so I worry more about him than myself. He sighs. "The doctors want to give me a procedure to re-inforce the permeability of my brain. But the procedure is on the left side of my brain, effecting the right side of my body, and if the procedure goes wrong, I may not regain full control of that side. I won't be abe to run, shoot a gun, stand up, be normal...I won't do it." He says stubbornly.

"What does the permeability of your brain have to do with radiation?" Callen asks. "It would help the brain to fight off the last of the radiation residing there. They got rid of it all except in his brain," I explain.

"Well, Kens, what's your view on this?" Callen asks. "Well, if Deeks' doesn't get the procedure, it will be harder, if not impossible, to heal the radiation in his brain. He will die within weeks, and the only other alternative is exposing him to a different kind of radiation to fight it off, which is not an option. Yea, he might loose a couple of functions, but I'd rather have an immobile Deeks than no Deeks anyday," I say, looking straight into Deeks' eyes.

"Ok, ok, I understand where you both stand. Deeks, this is really your decision. You can do whatever you want. But just know, none of us would care if you became immobile. It doesn't matter to us. It only matters to you. Just do what you think is best. That's all you can do," he says, then walks back out of the room.

The room is silent for a moment until Deeks finally says, "Wow. So that was totally not helpful at all." I laugh and look at him. "No kidding," I add.

"Look, Deeks, Callen is right," I admit after another awkward silence. "This is your decision. Your life is going to be affected the most by this. Only you can really figure out what you want to do. Not me, not Callen, nobody. It's up to you," I say, looking into his eyes.

"But don't you get it, Kens? I want you to help me make this decision. It's not an easy thing to decide. I just wanted this to be something we could figure out together. And this is gonna sound really lame, like really lame, but I always make better decisions when you're around. When you tell me what to do. So I was hoping that could happen. I was hoping you could help me," he says, his baby blue eyes making my heart melt.

"Of course I'll help you Deeks. There's nothing I would rather do," I say. We start to debate the pros and cons of each choice, with him making inappropriate jokes and laughing and punching and just doing what we used to do. Because that's us.

Callen's POV

"Hey, how're they doing?" Sam asks me when I walk back out into the hall. "Being weird," I simply state, and he laughs and shrugs. That's nothing new. "So what is Deeks gonna do?" he asks, his tone turning serious.

"I don't know. We all want him to get the surgery obviously, but I don't think it's what he wants," I state, aggrivated. "Well I know it's a long shot that he'll regain all movement, but it's worth at least giving it a shot. You never know until you try. Deeks needs to get better. I've never seen anything like it, but as Deeks gets sicker it's almost as if Kensi gets sicker too. Not physically, but emotionally. She's a wreck. I only ever see her smile when she's with him and she wakes up screaming all the time when she has nightmares. You know, you've been sleeping on her couch," he says, and I cringe at the memory.

I've been trying to make sure she's ok, sleeping at her house and buying her donuts and coffee every morning, but the nightmares get worse. I remember the first night, she woke up screaming and crying and I ran into the room thinking she had been stabbed. That's how bad it sounded. I just went over and told her it was ok and hugged her until she fell back asleep. I thought it would be awkward, and looking back on the memory it kind of was, but she needed someone. Deeks would have been the best person to do that, to hold her until she fell asleep, and even Sam would have been better than me, but I just felt like that was all I could do. Just hold her, just let her know I was there, that everything was ok.

I still have no idea what she was dreaming about.

I pop back into reality and look at Sam. "Well you never know," I say. He looks at me, confused, obviously not following my thoughts.

"Sometimes the long shots pay off the biggest," I say, looking at him and smiling.

And I mean it.

Kensi's POV

He smiles at me and I look at how weak he looks, how upsetting it is.

He's sitting hunched over on the bed in his hospital gown. The deep creases under his eyes have become more and more noticable, at this point I think they're permenant. He's lost some weight, not enough for him to look sickly but enough for it to be noticeable. His face is stuck in a look of worry; it never changes. He'll smile at me on occasion and in that instant I see him, really see him, the Deeks I love, and then he'll get more bad news and go back to being scared, or brave, or whatever the hell he's trying to be. Oh, and for a surfer, he's pale. Not like Callen, but paler than I've ever seen him. It looks like his glow is gone. But everytime I walk into his room, for a second, just a second, the first second he sees me, his face lights up and the glow is there again.

It's kind of crazy, the way he lights up. When he sees me, I mean. I think I do it too. Not as much, but still enough that people notice. Callen and Sam always share that annoying look, as if they know something we don't. It pisses me off.

"Kens? You still in there?" Deeks asks, waving his hand in front of my face. "What? Oh, ya, no I'm good," I stammer, snapping back into reality.

"So, let's figure this out," he says, standing up and taking my hand.

"Ok," I say, smiling at him. "Together."

He beams back at me and the doctor walks through the door. "So, have we made a decision?" He asks, looking up from his clip board.

Deeks and I glance at each other, sharing a look. "I think we have," I say, looking back at the doctor.

I squeeze Deeks' hand as he opens his mouth to deliver the news that could change both of our lives forever.

But I already know what he's going to say. He might not know it, but I do. I know him.

And the Deeks I love does what's right. I don't care what comes out of his mouth, I don't care. I just know that no matter what,

I will never be as happy as I am in this moment.

With the man I love, holding hands, facing forwards, saying words that will change our lives forever.

Because that's something that only happens once in a lifetime.