Densi Forever

The Pale Blue-Gray

Callen's POV

We haven't heard from Kensi in a month. Eric and Nell tried to track her down but she's gone, invisible in the wind. We saw her at Deeks' funeral. She was there, in the back, watching. But the second we noticed her she was gone. We found her for a while. She visited Deeks' grave every day at 7:00 PM and just sat and talked. Every single day she brought flowers. Every single day.

But Hetty wouldn't let us talk to her. She made us stop looking. She just kept saying, "Ms. Blye will come back when she's ready." She said it over and over again. Until finally, one day, Sam asked "Well what if she's never ready?"

Hetty just looked at us and replied simply, "Then that is that." And she walked away.

It frustrates me how she is so calm about the whole thing. I hate it.

We keep trying to call her, trying to tell her what really happened, but she's just...... vanished. She needs to know what really happened to Deeks. What's really happening. She can't go on believing that what happened to him was her fault. And she can't go on believing that what happened to him actually happened. If only she had stuck around another 10 seconds....if only I had made her stay....

But I didn't. Because I couldn't. Because no matter how hard I try, I can't ever deny those puppy dog eyes anything. I need to stop trying to protect her. So does Sam. It's clouding our judgement.

This is why I never stick around long with partners or teams. Because after a while, they become more than what they're supposed to be. They become your family.

And family is a liability. I would know.

Kensi's POV

The pale blue-gray sky. That's what I keep staring at. Just gazing at the sky. It keeps me sane. And then night comes, and the pale-blue gray is overcome with darkness.

The darkness comes slowly at first, just creeping up on the beautiful colors, not letting them know it's there. And then it starts moving a little bit faster, picking up the pace ever so slightly. It spreads across the gorgeous sky, turning it into something black and lonely.

There are always stars though. Stars, the little symbols of hope. The tiny glimmer of light that never quite succumb to the darkness of the world around them.

The pale blue-gray comes back the next morning, and I'm always there, waiting for it. It washes away the darkness with a pastel of pink and orange and yellow. It shines away the darkness, showing it that despite the odds, despite what the darkness believes, it won't give up.

But it's not the same pale blue-gray. It's always....changed a little bit. Sometimes it becomes darker, sometimes lighter, but it's never exactly the same as the days before it. With every new darkness it faces, it changes a little bit, is altered by the horrendous experience of being washed away, of being forgotten.

But it always comes back. It's always there the next day. There have been days when I sit, waiting, and it shows up just a little bit late. There's always a second where I fear that it won't come at all, that the pale blue-gray will just leave me in the darkness alone. But it never does. It's always there.

The pale blue-gray is so painful to look at, so harsh for my eyes to endure. It always reminds me. Just.....reminds me.

Because that was the color of his eyes.

And the pale blue-gray is Deeks.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

SORRY IT TOOK A WHILE FOR ME TO UPDATE, IT'S FINALS WEEK AT MY HIGH SCHOOL. ANYWAYS, SORRY IT'S SO SHORT, BUT I'VE COME UP WITH A LITTLE DEAL FOR YOU GUYS. JUST READ BELOW:

***********THE PART "THE WIND CARRIES THE SECRETS OF THE DEAD" AND THIS PART, "THE PALE BLUE-GRAY" MUST GET AT LEAST 150 READS EACH AND AT LEAST 15 VOTES EACH BEFORE I WILL CONTINUE WRITING.************************

I'M OUT OF TOWN NEXT WEEK AND MOST OF THE WEEK AFTER THAT, SO UNLESS MY GOAL IS REACHED I WILL NOT WRITE ON VACATION. IF IT IS REACHED I WILL UPDATE EVERY OTHER DAY THE ENTIRE WINTER BREAK, NO MATTER WHAT. SO WORK HARD AND HELP ME REACH MY GOAL!

REMEMBER TO LEAVE COMMENTS AND VOTE! FEEDBACK, NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE, IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND APPRECIATED!