The Darkness Within (Peaky Blinders) Thomas Shelby

17. Doubts

We don't deal with outsiders very well

They say newcomers have a certain smell

Yeah, I trust issues, not to mention

They say they can smell your intentions

- Heathens, by Twenty One Pilots

Back to the Garrison. That's where they went after Arthur had been taken care of. Tommy, John and Kiara along with Riley who met them outside the pub. The footy game would be over by now and all the men that had been there that morning would be back again for more drinks. As the three of them approached the bar and Kiara's brother who stood outside it they heard voices within.

"What the hell is that?" John asked.

"New barmaid." Riley stated. "She's got them singing."

"The boy I love is up in the gallery." The crowd of drunk men sung with the accompaniment of the new blonde barmaid. Tommy stepped forward, swinging the doors open with John and Riley behind him and Kiara beside her brother. "The boy I love is looking at me." They continued, but then the men's voices died off when they noticed the entrance of Thomas Shelby.

She didn't stop though. She continued singing, finishing her song.

"Can't you see him standing there?" Grace sung as Tommy took of his hat and leant against a column just inside the doors. "Waving his handkerchief as marry as a robin that sings on the tree." She finished.

Everyone remained quiet as she stared at Tommy and he stared back, the only noise coming from a match that Kiara lit for her cigarette before throwing the used match to the ground and taking the roll-up from her lips with a breath of smoke. She noticed that the barmaid found the way she smoked somewhat intimidating when they first met which was the purpose of that one she had then as Grace's eyes flicked to Mrs Shelby who glared at her indifferently.

"We haven't had singing in here since the war." Harry finally broke the silence, speaking to Tommy.

"Why do you think that is, Harry?" Tommy asked, his eyes flicking to the barkeep before they flicked back to Grace.

Eventually she stepped down off the chair she had been standing on to sing her song and slowly headed back to the bar. Tommy pushed himself off the column and headed over to the private booth without another word.

"You don't like her, do you?" Riley asked his sister as they walked.

"I don't trust anyone new." Kiara shot back before following her husband into the booth with Riley and John.

That night Kiara was finishing up the dishes in the kitchen. Tommy had gone to bed early and she had told Polly she would finish up so she could check in on Arthur. Just as she was washing up the last dish, John came into the kitchen, chewing on a toothpick as always.

"Where are the kids tonight?" Kiara asked him.

"Hired a woman to look after them when they get home from school. Asked her to stay late tonight, needed some time off."

"Don't know how you do it John. With one or two it seems simple, but four?"

John chuckled, "Neither do I. You and Tommy ever talk about it? Having kids?"

Kiara lightly shook her hands as she dried her hands on a towel. "We don't really talk about that sort of thing." She shrugged.

"Just going to wait until it sneaks up on you?" John questioned. "Take it from someone with experience on that... it's better if you're prepared." He joked as K chuckled a little.

"What is it?" John asked as she looked over at him in confusion. "We've known each other our whole lives, K... I know when something's bothering you."

"It's nothing."

"Doesn't matter." He said lightly with one shake of his head. "I'm listening."

She was silent, contemplating speaking, but eventually gave in. She had to get it off her chest. "Well... we haven't been purposely trying to get pregnant, like I said... we've never really discussed it and I don't think either one of us is anywhere near ready for it, but... He's been back for 18 months, John... and then there was the time before the war... if it was going to happen..."

"Sometimes it just takes time, K." John shook his head. "You can have one of mine if you want." He then added on the end as another joke. Kiara laughed again before throwing the towel at him that he caught easily. "If you're not ready for it... then don't worry about if it's not happening." He then said seriously.

"I think Tommy's noticed."

"Hey," John walked over to her, lifting her chin up so her eyes were forced to meet his, "He tells you everything, right? If it was something that was bothering him right now, he'd say."

"Almost everything." She whispered. "Do you know that he visits Lizzie Stark on occasion, or one her friends anyway? He doesn't tell me about that... I just know. I can tell by the way he looks at me when he gets back. Sometimes I think he just needs to pretend he's someone else other than Thomas Selby to escape France and he can't do that with Thomas Shelby's wife."

John's jaw clenched slightly, the toothpick going ridged in his mouth as his hand dropped from her chin. Then she realised that John didn't know. She was sure Arthur did, but not John. He wouldn't tell John, not about this. He knew he would be mad.

"Tommy loves you, Kiara..." John breathed, "More than anyone and there isn't a damn thing that will ever change that."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure."

"He'd be mad not too." John whispered, "Now you listen to me... any doubts you have... you know what that is." He said, not directly referring to one of her episodes like everyone seemed to do on the subject. "And when that starts to happen you need to go to Tommy or Riley or if you feel like you can't because it has something to do with this, you come to me, alright?"

"Yeah." She whispered with a nod.

"Say you will." John wanted reassurance.

"I will." Kiara nodded. "I'll come to you if I need too."

"Alright." John nodded, stepping back. "I'll dry up the dishes, you get to bed." He stated.

"John Shelby doing the dishes?" She teased.

"None of that." He rolled his eyes. "Go on."

With one last smile Kiara left him to go up to hers and Tommy's room. Tom was already asleep, a still warm opium pipe on the bedside table. Kiara undressed and put on her nightgown before blowing out the candle and crawling over Tommy to get to the other side of the bed. He always insisted on sleeping on the side that was away from the wall. He had two reasons, the first being he felt trapped and it didn't help with his dreams about being back in the tunnels and the second was that he liked to be between his wife and the door so that if there was an intruder she was behind him.

Kiara fell asleep within minutes, not realising how tired she was, but a few hours later Thomas shot up, wide awake and his breath ragged. He let out a few deep breaths, trying to calm his heart rate once again.

"Thomas?" Kiara called sleepily as her eyes began to open from the disturbance. She shuffled up on to her elbow a little, placing a hand on his back as Thomas rubbed his eyes. "I don't think that stuff helps, Tommy." She whispered, referring to the opium. "Or at least it doesn't anymore."

Thomas didn't say anything, still breathing deeply for a moment before his eyes drifted to the window. He shuffled a little closer to it, leaning over to push back the light curtains, revealing two policemen walking the streets. He let the curtain go and sat back, allowing Kiara to gently pull him back down to the bed.

She rubbed up and down his arm as he leaned back into her, closing his eyes again as she started to run her fingers through his hair soothingly and he finally found peace for the night.