Twenty minutes later, I heard a car pull into the driveway. I was lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. But I decided not to get up. I didn't need to greet Benn any special way. At that point, I was just ready to end the silence.
My heart beat picked up when I heard footsteps on the stairs and in the hall. When the door to the bedroom opened, I felt the air change. A layer of tension formed in the space between us. But I could instantly tell that all of the love was still there, on both ends.
"What are you doing here?" Benn asked quietly.
I watched him set his wallet and keys down on a bookshelf, then let myself look up at him.
"I got tired of missing you."
To no surprise, Benn didn't react well to the suddenness of the situation. I watched his expression fall from one of shock to one of extreme frustration. Then he quickly turned around, and ran out of the room.
"Dammit, Benn!" I groaned, getting up and going after him, "Stop!"
I got to the hall just in time to watch the bathroom door slam shut. Immediately, my entire body felt cold and my chest got tight. Flashes of red passed through my mind as the memories of what happened in that bathroom hit me again.
I ran to the door, trying to turn the knob but finding it locked. My heart started racing, and it got harder and harder for me to breathe right.
"Benn!" I choked out, "P-please, Benn, open the door!"
I was trying to bang on the door, but my hands were shaking too badly. All of the memories were overwhelming.
A moment later, I heard the door unlock. It opened slowly, a heartbroken Benn standing behind it. I could tell that he knew exactly what had been running through my mind. He didn't speak, because what is there to say after a moment like that? Instead, he just looked at me, focused on the tears in my eyes, then slowly wrapped his arms around my waist.
For a while, we just held each other. Benn burried his face in my neck, and I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could without breaking his ribs. But still, I couldn't seem to get him close enough. There was no enough after being without him for so long.
After a few minutes, we let each other go. But when I reached for his hand, he let me take it. His fingers fit just as perfectly in mine as I remembered.
"Jess-" Benn began when we sat down on his bed.
"Don't." I snapped, "Whatever you're about to say, don't."
Benn stayed silent as he waited for me to continue. I could see him struggling, as his free hand was balled into a tight fist.
"B, these last couple of months have been hell for me. And I'm sure they were pretty god damn rough for you too. But we're not talking about you right now. We're talking about me, because that's what you wanted me to be doing this whole time, right? Thinking about myself?"
He nodded slowly, but he didn't speak.
"Okay. Well, here's what I've learned about myself with the 'freedom' you gave me." I began, shaking, "Without you, I'm an absolute fucking train wreck!"
I hated how loud I'd let myself get. I could see that it was freaking Benn out. But I couldn't stop. I was so upset, and he needed to know that.
"I found out that when I've been abandoned completely by the only boy I'll ever love, I lose my mind a little! I become an alcoholic, stoner, slut, who resorts to burning himself with a lighter to try and take his mind off of how god damn lonely he is!"
