I brought Benn inside and to the bathroom. He wouldn't speak to me as I made him take his shirt off, checking out the damage done there. I found a few bruises on his chest and a long scrape along his back. Every moment that passed made me feel sicker. This was my fault.
"I didn't think he'd be home." Benn told me as I ran a wet towel over his skin, "But he was, and I was already crying when I went inside. So he started yelling at me, asking why I was such a little bitch. And it got to be too much so I started yelling back at him, admitting all this shit about me and you. Then he just lost it."
I stayed silent, letting him get it all out at once.
"This is why I took so long to tell him. I knew he'd react like that. I didn't even say "gay". I just said that I loved you, and then I kept saying I was sorry. And then he kicked the shit out of me."
"Is he still home?" I asked.
"No. I acted like he knocked me out, so he left. Probably at the bar."
I let out a deep breath, struggling not to cry. I felt so awful.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, running my thumb across his cheek, "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know. It's not your fault."
"If I hadn't been such a baby-"
"You know," Benn interrupted, laughing a little, "I'm kinda realizing that no matter how I told him, he wouldn't have reacted any differently. This was bound to happen the entire time. I should have gotten it over with before."
"Are you gonna tell your mom what happened?" I asked him.
"Why bother? She never listens. It's just gonna happen again anyway."
"No it's not. You're not going back there."
"Jess, I can't hide from him."
"You're staying here." I snapped, moving my hand to hold on to the back of his neck, "We only have a few months left of school. Then we'll get out of here."
"No, you're leaving me, remember? You have to go to New York. There's nothing there for me."
I'd gotten accepted into NYU for college. I was happy because it was my dream school. But if Benn didn't come with me, I'd have to leave him behind.
"There's me." I shrugged, trying to smile, "You're taking a gap year anyway. Why can't that be in New York?"
"Because I can't afford New York. Do you know how much an apartment in the city costs?"
"But we'll be doing it together. It'll be fine."
Benn let out a heavy sigh, leaning to rest his forehead against mine.
"We'll figure something out." I said after a minute, "We always do."
Once Benn was cleaned up, we went up to my room. I worked on homework for a bit while Benn drew designs in the borders of my notebook. Then he fell asleep beside me, curled up tightly with his head resting on my lower back. I got through half of an English paper before I started to zone out. Then I switched to the Internet, and looked around for vacant NYC apartments.
At around six o'clock, my mom got home from work. Usually, I'd have woken Benn up so he wouldn't be quite so cuddled up to me. But this time, I decided to let it go. He'd told the only person he was scared of. So letting my mom know wasn't going to kill him.
When she came in, she turned the light on. I was hoping she wouldn't do that so she wouldn't see the bruises all over Benn. But they were the first thing she noticed.
