Marriage As Punishment

Arms Length

CHAPTER 6




It has been exactly one week since I told Liz about what happened with James in the woods. In that time I have seen him once. I saw him through the window of the carriage, as we rode toward his parents estate and he rode away from it. So, seeing that I have not actually spoken to him, I have not been able to practice keeping him at arms length. Quite reasonably then, I am extremely nervous about tomorrow.

We are having a dinner party to announce our engagement. That is what I've been doing for the past week. I don't know why we have to formally announce it, mother and Lady Mary have already told everyone they know. I don't particularly like the thought of a party that centers around me. I can handle people talking about me, but it's slightly different when you're in the same room as they are. Now put that stress on top of the stress that James brings, and I've got a headache in the making. God be with me.

I shake my head to clear away all nervous thoughts. I need to focus on this dress. I don't have much time left. Sewing a wedding dress is not easy, I'm fortunate to have help from mum and Liz. Although I wish mum would leave, so that Liz and I could speak freely.

"Mother, didn't you ask me to remind you to check on Ms. Parmore? You wanted to check on the dinner preparations," I ask innocently. She looks at me suspiciously.

"No, I don't recall that," she answers slowly. I shrug.

"Oh," I reply feigning disinterest, "I just thought I remembered you being worried about a new recipe or...I don't know. I guess not. Ms. Parmore is a very reliable cook. She almost never messes up."

I look at mum, she's fidgeting a bit. I can see her worried face. She is a controlling perfectionist, she won't be able to resist going to check on Ms. Parmore. Liz sends me a warning look. I pretend not to notice and continue.

"Except that one time, you remember. When she mixed up the salt and the sugar. The sugary soup was awful. Poor Ms. Parmore, she was so embarrassed. You can hardly blame her though, such a heavy load to carry. With all of the preparations that she has to oversee, she's bound to make a mistake. She is only human after all," I finish. Mother bites her lip, and furrows her brow.

"Now that you've mentioned it. I do recall asking you to remind me of that. I'll be right back." She says as she hastily puts down her sewing and rushes through the door.

She'll be downstairs all afternoon. I smile.

"You terrible girl. Now Ms. Parmore has to deal with her," Liz scolds.

I frown. "I know. I feel awful about that, but I wanted it to be just us. Now we can talk."

"You're scared about tomorrow," she states.

"I'm not scared, I'm nervous. We're officially announcing the engagement tomorrow. The key word being official! After tomorrow I won't be able to back out. This is a nightmare," I explained.

Liz just laughs. "You complain a lot! Everyday it's something. I would love to be in your shoes. You get to marry a handsome, rich, earl!"

"A handsome, rich, earl that I don't love! I hardly even know him! From what I know of him, I don't like him!" I shout.

"Yet you have a crush on him?" she smirks.

I open my mouth only to close it again. Truthfully, I can't explain it. She's right, I like him, but I don't like him.
"I'm only seventeen!" I respond, "I don't know anything about love. I just wish I could get to know him before I'm bound to him for life."

Liz shrugs. "You'll have plenty of time to get to know him after you're married," she smiles sadly.

"What if he's exactly what he seems? What if we never get along? I'll be stuck, won't I?"

"In that case you can look forward to his death," she smiles, "men tend to die first."

I brighten at that, "You're right! You hardly ever hear of widowers. It's usually widows. And widows aren't forced to remarry! The only thing is that I'll have to wait fifty or sixty years."

"Lea! I was only kidding! I didn't realize you'd take it so seriously," Liz says shaking her head.

I look down, embarrassed that I didn't catch the teasing tone in her voice. I probably shouldn't get so excited at the thought of the death of my future husband. It's probably a sin.

Liz comes over to me. "It's alright. I shouldn't have been teasin' you. You've got enough on your plate right now. Focus on being a good wife and you'll be happy. Maybe you'll have a son! You'd make a great mother."

A mother? I don't want to be a mother! I want to be an explorer an inventor. I want to be useful to the world. I sigh. I'm feeling more dejected than before. Well, if I can't be an explorer, I can be the best wife I can be. I am going to try my hardest to be kind to James. Perhaps he's not as bad as I imagine him to be.










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I'm so sorry! I haven't updated in a little while. This chapter was boring for me to write.

The next one will be WAY more interesting, I promise.

Thanks for your patience. And the votes, it's crazy! I didn't think I'd have readers.

Since I didn't update last Friday and its already Thursday. I will try to update again tomorrow, but I make no promises.