Love to Hate You

Chapter Four

The gravel crunches underneath the wheels of my skateboard, the one Justin gave me, as I head to his house for practice. I can feel my heart, heavy in my chest, beating loudly in my ears. With everything that has happened the past two nights, it feels odd to come back to the same place that’s hurting me more.

What am I doing, really? I’m just making everything more dramatic than it should be. I’m ruining someone else’s life, or at least attempting to. How could I ever be a good role model if everything does work out in the end? What will they say about me? That I’m no different than Justin, that we both had hidden agendas in the end? Would they say that it’s good that I finally stood up for myself, or will they say that my motives were all wrong?

Everything seemed so perfect yesterday while planning revenge with a fresh, open wound. However, I can’t help but feel wrong about all of this. I am planning on ruining someone’s possible career just because they hurt me. Is that right? Should I be doing this?

There’s a voice in the back of my head screaming, “Yes!” and another one telling me to be careful.

Swaying slightly, I stop myself at the end of Justin’s driveway. The garage door is wide open. Everyone else looks like they’ve arrived and are mingling inside the garage. Sean notices me first and nods. I take a deep breath and tell myself to act normal.

The walk up the driveway has never felt so long. My eyes keep flicking over to where Justin is changing the batteries in the mics. He still hasn’t noticed that I’m here. Usually, he’s the first one to greet me. I can’t tell if he’s purposely ignoring me or too absorbed in the mics to notice me at all. I secretly hope he never does end up noticing me.

My stomach is churning when I finally make it into the garage. Justin turns and acknowledges my arrival by taking a couple steps forward and kissing me hard on the lips. I try to seem natural about the whole thing, but his fingernails are digging into the back of my neck and his lips are bruising mine. Not to mention that the other boys must be gawking at the whole scene. My fingers clench tighter every time his nails scratch further into my skin. Then, he pulls away, his face turning to the other boys briefly to scan them before going back to the mics.

My fingers instinctively reach up to gingerly feel the marks he’s made on the back of my neck. My fingers barely brush the skin, still, I can feel the crescent-mooned dents left imprinted in my skin. I swallow slowly and then glance up at the others who are looking at me with troubled faces. I smile as cheerfully as I can at them and pull my hand away from my neck.

Sean’s eyes flick away from me to Justin’s back, his lips thinning and his jaw clenching noticeably. Austin looks confused, giving me a look that begs for an explanation. I just shrug. Silence is the only thing that follows, along with eyes meeting eyes and worried expressions being shared.

Kris finally clears his throat and walks away to swing his guitar over his shoulder and practice a few cords. The others take the hint. Austin picks up his guitar, as well, and Alex moves to sit behind his drum set. Sean sends me another concerned glance before going to his keyboard.

After a couple of minutes Justin throws his guitar over his shoulder and tosses me my mic.

“Alright, I was thinking about something really big to do for our next gig, you know, so that our band can really take off,” Justin tells us as he rolls his mic between his hands, “I was thinking of a really hardcore duet with a stage performance to match.”

“Duet?” I ask, “What song?”

Justin smiles at me and steps closer to wrap his arm around my shoulder, “I was thinking we should sing “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence.