Daddy's Cowgirl (Completed) *NEEDS TO BE EDITED*

Chapter 21

I stand outside his door only opening it after I have taken a few deep breaths. I knock lightly and open it after hearing no answer. When I walk in I see the usual site; my father drinking straight out of a liquor bottle.

‘You wanted to see me?’ I say hesitantly. I don’t want to make him any angrier if I’m going to be able to see Chris tonight. I have missed him so much this past week.

‘Yeah, I wasn’t done talking to at all earlier. I cannot believe that you would get suspended from school for fighting. Your mother would be so ashamed of you right now if she were here but she isn’t because OF YOU! You just HAD to live; didn’t you? You just had to save yourself and leave her to die? You are a worthless piece of shit.’ He spat at me angrily. I couldn’t hold back the tears because I knew he was right. It was my entire fault that she died; I didn’t save her when I know I should’ve.

‘I’m sorry.’ I mutter not able to look him in the eye.

‘I don’t want to hear your “I’m sorry” anymore. Saying I’m sorry isn’t going to bring her back is it?’ He asks as he slowly stands up and walks over to me. I just nod my head a mutter a yes sir still not able to look him in the eye.

‘Good, don’t look at me. You shouldn’t be allowed to live at all but then again you should have to live the rest of your life knowing that you killed the only person that was ever stupid enough to love you.’ He says right before elbowing me in the stomach.

As soon as the hit connects I fall to the floor gasping since he hit me with quite a force. I may be used to him hitting me but that really freaking hurt! Not even a second passes before he is pulling back his boot covered foot and kicking me in the sides, stomach, legs, and back.

I’m not sure how long the beating took and I’m pretty sure I passed out for a moment. This by far had to be one of the most awful beatings he has ever given me. I open my eyes slowly and glance around without moving my body only to find the room empty other than the containers of empty alcohol.

After a few failed attempts of getting up I just lay there trying to move my legs a little to see if I CAN even move at all. Even though it hurts I know that I have at the very least cracked ribs and most likely random fractures all over my body. Since I can move my legs and they aren’t bent at weird angles I can at least say the he didn’t break my legs. Yeah, there’s a hopeful thought, I think sarcastically.

When I’m finally able to stand up I am soaked in sweat and visibly shaking from the pain. I have no idea how I am going to be able to make it to my room right now. I take slow tiny steps to try and keep the pain from coursing through my body any harder.

As soon as I have the door opened I lean against the door frame only to jerk back causing me more pain because when I leaned against the door frame it put pressure on my body that I honestly CANNOT take right now. A soak in the tub is a definite no right now; I’m going to have to take a shower but how in the hell am I going to last long standing up when my body hurts this bad.

Damn it this is going to suck, I think as I look down the hall at my room. After I have taken a few readying breathes I head towards my room. The entire time I am biting my lip to keep any noises coming out of my mouth that will alert my father that I’m up and moving around.

I head to my bathroom as soon as I’m in the room, after locking my door, to get some pain medication that I have acquired from my few hospital visits. I pop a pill in my mouth and swallow using my cup I keep in here in case I wake up thirsty. If I wasn’t going out later I would take another 1 or 2 but if I do I won’t be able to drive later and that man is not going to stop me from seeing my Chris.

Still standing in the bathroom I start to peel off my clothes which is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don’t even glance in the mirror since I know I probably look like a leopard or something from all the bruises. When I’m finally down in my underwear I have sweat beads rolling down my face and chest while I’m panting for breath.

I head out of the bathroom to the closet to start searching for something to wear after my shower. The entire way to the closet I’m still taking my small shuffling like steps since it hurts unbelievably bad to lift up my foot too high. Not to mention putting all my weight onto one leg; that damn near killed me.

I almost fall over from shock when I hear a choking noise. I spin around quickly to see the guys standing near my bed with their jaws on the floor; except Mikey he just looks broken. I groan and smack myself in the forward which I quickly regret when I feel a sharp pain shoot through my ribs making me fall to the floor clutching my side.

I bite my lip to keep the sobs in as soon as my battered and abused body hits the floor. I cannot express how much pain raced through my body as soon as it hit the hard floor. Shit I thought leaning against the doorframe was pain; that was just horse play compared to this. I feel hands on my exposed skin and flinch away from them. It’s too soon since my beating; I cannot be touched right now.

I don’t know how much more of this I can stand. It’s a little bit of everything but mostly people looking at me with pity, loving a father who will never love me, and holding myself together like I’m made of stone while on the inside a part of me dies every time he hits me.

It’s like every time he hits me he’s making a dent in the love I have for him. I’m not a freak as you would like to think. I know what you are all thinking right now; why the hell doesn’t she just leave? Well in short: my mom. Every corner I turn on this ranch, in every room of this house and every shadow on my father’s face makes me see my mom.

If I leave it’s all going to disappear. Also, how in the hell am I supposed to leave him when this is ALL my fault? Seriously, I want to know! How in the hell am I supposed to leave the man when I killed his wife, I made him into who he is today, I made him a widow.

When the physical and mental pain starts to drown me; I welcome it. I’ve held it in for so long and I’m just so tired of it. I’m tired of being strong; just for a little while I want to be weak. I want someone else to hold me and wipe the tears away. I want someone else to tell me that it’s not my fault and that life sucks. I want to feel loved and safe more than anything right now.

I don’t know how I do it but I open my eyes slowly and realize I’m crying since my vision is 100% blurry. I blink rapidly so I dispel the tears that are blocking my view. I look around at the sea of faces that are surrounding me. I see most of their lips moving but I’m in so much of my own world I have to focus my attention to finally start understanding what they are saying.

‘We need to get her to a hospital Mike. I’ve never seen anyone this beat up and that’s saying a lot when we see footballers all the time getting knocked around. Ok, I have seen guys get broken bones but I have NEVER seen a girl look this awful. She looks like she got attacked by half the football team without any pads on!’ one of the boys exclaims.

I groan causing all talking to cease. I grit my teeth as I slowly stand up while having to slap the guys’ hands away from trying to help me stand up. Once I’m finally on my feet I sway a little bit before I close my eyes and focus everything I have on standing up.

Once I have achieved that little feat I walk over to my closet now feeling a little numb at this point. I’m sure my pain medication is helping but I am sure it mostly has to do that I am a woman on a mission. I refuse to let anything stop me at this point.

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this isn't even half of what i have written but i was editing the other half when i looked at my profile and saw that it has been 7 freaking days since my last update on here. i almost burst into freaking tears. i love you all and I AM SOOOO SORRY! i will do my hardest not to ever let this happen again. PLEASE VOTE & COMMENT & FAN (if you haven't already)

dedicated to my WBF. i love you lady! can't wait to finally talk to you and when you read this you are more than welcome to ask me wtf is WBF mean ;) ily xoxo (PS IF YOU HAVEN'T EVER READ HER STORIES YOU MUST GO DO IT NOW....RIGHT NOW....I'M SERIOUS. ;)  )