Trip to Your Heart - A Hockey Fanfiction

The First Step in Solving a Problem is Admitting You Have One

Stella's Point of View

I swung myself into the driver's seat of my car and turned the key in the ignition, but I didn't go anywhere. I wasn't really sure where to go. Even if I had had an idea of where to go, I wouldn't have gone because my thoughts weren't forming coherent, flowing sentences. I was caught up in the moments I'd shared with Robert up in the hotel room. I could feel his skin on mine and my lips tingled at the idea that we had come so close to kissing again. I felt warm all over, like I'd spent the last hour under a warm fleece blanket with the sun on my face instead of being with Robert. But maybe that was it, maybe he was that source of warmth. These feelings culminated with the thoughts bopping around in my head into a pleasing buzz of happiness. He loved me. He wanted to be with me. He wanted me to be a part of his family. And I was finally ready to admit it to myself: I loved him. And I wanted to know my daughter, but I didn't know how to do that without feeling intrusive. I'd been absent from her life during some very formative years for her, and there was no guarantee that she would ever accept me. And Claude. Could I abandon him after five years? That was such a long time and I had given so much of myself to him.

At some point during my mind's rambling, I buckled my seatbelt and got on the road. I didn't realize until I pulled up outside of Cara's apartment building that I was planning on seeing her. I hoped that she would actually be there. On my way up, I checked my calendar; there wasn't a scheduled practice today, so I had a good chance that she'd be home. However, the chances that she would be awake and happy to see me were probably a little bit lower.

I knocked on her door. The sound of bare feet padding across hardwood floors reached my ears and I heard the locks click before she opened the door. Surprise flickered to life in her tired eyes and Cara ushered me inside, "You have some explaining to do, Missy, but I'm starving, so we're going to eat and then you're going to tell me what happened to you last night."

"Brunch it is, then," I said, following her to the kitchen.

"Mimosa?" She asked, grabbing glasses from the cabinet.

"Mmm, no thank you," I shook my head, "I spent enough time with our dear friend alcohol last night."

"Iced tea?"

"Please, as long as its regular iced tea and not Long Island or any other boozy concoction," I laughed.

"On it," she poured our drinks and we started cooking, whipping up some eggs and sausages, baby sandwiches, and pulling out a platter to put them on with some fruits, cheeses, and crackers. We set all the food on the coffee table in her living room and settled in on the couch. "Okay," Cara said after stacking some food on her plate, "Spill your guts."

I took a sip of my drink to collect my thoughts. It had been almost twenty-four hours since I'd last seen Cara, which meant that she knew absolutely nothing about Lottie and my new feelings for Robert. "I went to lunch with the Pens during our morning skate and Robert wasn't there. The rest of the guys were acting kind of shady and kept dancing around the subject of him and dodging questions when I asked them. I know Beau, and you know Beau, and we both know how gullible the kid can be, so I got him to tell me how to find Robert. Turns out it was the wives', girlfriends', and kids' trip. And Robert has a daughter."

Cara choked, almost spewing mimosa across her apartment. "I'm sorry, he WHAT?"

"He has a daughter. I do, too."

"Stella," she spoke cautiously as if she was afraid that I'd bite her head off, "That's crazy talk. I know you, you were so afraid of having kids up until a few weeks ago that that isn't possible."

"You also know that I am a graduate of a research university with an extensive medical program and that I donated my eggs to science at said university," I replied, levelheaded.