Trip to Your Heart - A Hockey Fanfiction

Only Know... When You Let Her Go

"Let her go, she doesn't want to talk to me," Robert said, his voice quiet and broken.

The line clicked and the call ended and I finally let out the sob that I had been holding in. My body shook with the force of it and it echoed off the walls, filling the house with what sounding like a death wail. My breath was rattling and I inhaled and exhaled quickly, the events of the past day and a half washing over me in a tsunami and I collapsed onto the couch. 

"Please don't make me be strong for you," Becky pleaded, her small face contorted with a sadness that she didn't need.

"I'm not a superhero," Evan sobbed, pulling on my pant leg.

The scene from one of the rooms flashed in front of me again, "You can let go if it hurts too much, Rory," the father said.

"We're worried about you," Sidney implored.

"I'm just worried," Claude sighed.

"We're worried, I'm worried, Stella. Why won't you do something about it?" Robert demanded.

"Stop!" I yelled back. "I'm afraid, I'm sorry, I'm just afraid. Don't be mad at me, Claude. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't think I'd regret it. I didn't think I'd meet someone like you. I didn't think I'd ever want kids. They're so... So fragile and I'd be so horrible as a parent.  She'd die. I was so afraid that she'd die. I couldn't handle that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Why would I be mad at you?" Claude snarled, "Don't give me any reason to be mad at you."

"Isn't it enough that she's talking to us?" Robert challenged.

"Stay out of this," Claude turned on him.

I curled into a ball on the floor, still sobbing, and trying to block out their fight, "Don't hurt him, please."

"Why? Do you care for him, Stella? Do you want to be with him instead of me? Do you regret leaving Pittsburgh? Huh, Stella? Huh? Answer me!"

"No, no, we're just friends," I protested.

"Do you not love me, Stella? What happened? I thought I meant more to you. Are you just going to abandon me, hoping I'll forget about you and your happy little life? I clearly won't forget, Stella. I'm already losing my mind, just like you. I don't have time to fall apart, do I, Sid?" Robert had advanced toward me as he spoke and now turned to his captain.

"We need him, Stella. We don't need you anymore; you left us. Why won't you keep your problems to yourself? Why do you keep dragging everyone down?" Sidney demanded.

"I thought I asked you to be strong for yourself," Becky sobbed, she was standing a little ways off, looking more worn down and sick than she had in the hospital. "It's so hard. I don't want to be strong for you; I can't be strong for you. You're a grownup; I'm not going to grow up."

"Becky, I'm sorry," I cried.

"Sorry doesn't cut it, you've been lying to me," Claude said.

"You've been lying to us all. You aren't fine, Stella," Sidney said.

"You're not a superhero," Evan said.

"I know," I looked up at the little boy standing over me from where I had curled into a ball on the floor.

"You're the bad guy. Only bad guys lie. I hope the superheroes defeat you," Evan walked away.

Sidney, Claude, Robert, and Becky were left standing around me. "I hope you don't expect me to stay with a liar," Claude spat and he left, too.

"Don't look at me," Sidney backed up, "I tried to help; I told you to tell him. You have to face the consequences now."

I couldn't bear to look at Robert, so I looked at Becky instead. "You aren't being strong." She began to change. She looked sicker, but curly hair grew from her head and her face morphed into the one of the little girl that I had been dreaming about. Becky's voice spoke from my sick, dream daughter, "I asked you to be strong, Mommy. I can't do it for you. I'm not a grown up." She began crying.