Trip to Your Heart - A Hockey Fanfiction

Pancakes and Pretending

"It's okay, Rob, you didn't do anything," I sniffled, rubbing the salty tears from my face. There was silence from the other end and Cara rubbed my back to comfort me. "God, I wish you guys were here," I sighed, I always felt better with them there, which was probably wrong in a million ways, but I couldn't help my feelings.

"I wish I was there, too," Robert replied, his voice sounding as broken as I felt.

"Are you going to be okay to go back to sleep, Stella?" Sidney asked.

I looked over at the clock, it was almost three in the morning, and we didn't have to go to practice until nine, which meant we didn't have to get up until eight. "I don't know if I'll sleep, but I'll try," I shrugged even though Cara was the only one who could see me. I didn't want to close my eyes and watch the dream again, but I had the sinking feeling that that was exactly what would happen if I tried to sleep.

"You need to sleep, Stella," Sidney said, his protective big brother side coming out again.

"And so the player gives advice to the trainer," I smiled wryly, but I knew that if Sidney had any idea of the extent to which the dreams haunted me, he wouldn't want to sleep, either.

"Have you tried NyQuil or anything, Stella?" Cara asked.

"No. I don't want to not be able to wake up from the dream," I shook my head and shuddered under the damp blanket. I was glad that no one made a comment about the fact that I almost hadn't woken up this time.

"Maybe try some tea before bed or read a book or listen to some calming music," Sidney suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds helpful," I nodded. I began zoning out, watching the plane explode in front of my eyes.

"Stella?" Sid asked. I didn't really hear him.

"Hey, Estelle," Cara teased trying to bring me back to them. She shook me gently and called to Sid again. "She's zoning and I don't know how to keep her here with us." The mild panic in her voice wasn't enough to shake the images in my head as I helplessly saw the dream loop in my mind's eye.

"Stella, you can't leave us again," Robert growled over the phone. "Stella," his voice held the same tone as he waited for my response.

"I don't have kids, why am I so worried?" I muttered.

"And the odds of a plane crashed are about as likely as winning the lottery jackpot," Sidney offered, hoping to keep me talking.

"I don't play the stupid tax," I muttered.

"Well, that lowers the odds to zero, so you're good," he joked. I frowned, there were so many holes in his logic that it wasn't even funny as a joke.

"Hey, you guys played great," Cara interjected, changing the subject.

"Yeah, it was a good game. So was the last one," I smiled, thinking of Robert's goal.

"Thanks, ladies," Sidney laughed.

"Sorry I didn't answer your call," I told him, "Or call back."

"Busy, were you?" Sid teased.

"Yeah, busy sleeping," I lied, my cheeks turning pink in the dim guest bedroom. Cara raised her eyebrows, but I shook my head trying to get her to keep her mouth shut. "We should probably let you guys go celebrate," I was giving them a way out of this call, the option to let go of their self-imposed protective duties so that they could go celebrate with the rest of the team. Secretly, I prayed that they wouldn't hang up, because even with Cara there, I feared what fresh hell my mind would conjure up if it was allowed to run free. With the boys talking to us, I remained grounded, distracted, and safe.