September 24th
I looked up from the pile of clothes I was folding on Sian’s dresser. She was right next to me, so I tapped my toe on her leg and she looked up from her coloring book. “Sian, do you like Tegan?” I asked her. “Yes..” she said then kept coloring I bent down and picked her up and sat her down on her bed. “How much?” I asked again. “What did you say?” She asked. I forgot to sign it. “Never mind.” I said And signed. I got her new hearing aid from the side table and put it in for her. She still couldn’t hear my voice but it helped with hearing my tone to know I was trying to speak sweetly and calmly so she didn’t get upset. Talking to Sian was like texting someone. It was hard to sense the tone, because she usually couldn’t hear ours and she didn’t know how to control her own. She would be saying something completely innocent in a nasty and sassy tone, and unless you knew her you’d think she was this unkind and ungrateful kid, even though she’s as sweet and innocent as a seven year old could possibly be. But think about it. If you had to talk to someone through a text your whole life, it would be hard. Like sometimes you have storys and conversations so long you just wanna call them or tell them in person because your fingers get tired, or like your talking so slowly. Like a five year old who can barely type, talking on face book. It would take them forever and they’d get frustrated. This is exactly how we felt. Sian can read lips, but not very well. She knew signs but wasn’t fluent in them, and not hearing words everyday made her vocabulary limited. But for now this is all we have.
“Sian, I need to tell you something but do not get upset.” I signed and said. “Ok Mommy.” She said. “Sian, I had a baby before I had you.” I told her. “What??” she asked raising her voice. “I don’t get it?” She said. “Listen, Sian. I was very young, and I was too young to have a baby. So I gave her to a different family to take care of.”
“why don’t I know her?” Sian said.
“You do. Its Tegan.” Sian looked shocked, then hurt and then mad. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She said. “Because you weren’t old enough to understand!” I told her. “NO its because I’m deaf!” she yelled at me. I didn’t know what to say. She never talks about being deaf like that and never brings it up in a accusatory tone. “No Sweetie its not.” “because you wanted to hide her from me. And you could do it because I was deaf! If I wasn’t I would have found out.” “Tegan doesn’t even know yet!” “But I have another sister that you hide from me.” she said. “Sian listen to me,” I started, but she got up from her bed and walked out of the room slamming to door behind her. But I swung it open and followed her, spinning her around to look at me. She had tears streaming down her face. “Tegan was born when I was fifteen, ok? I tried to forget about it myself. I didn’t even tell daddy for a long time. Telling you would only make you mad, that’s why I didn’t.” “then why are you telling me now?” she asked. I couldn’t lie to her and I could really tell her about Tegan living with us. So I said “because Tegan is going to be a part of our lives now.” I told her. At this second Ezra opened the door and walked in holding a sleeping Sadie. They had just gotten back from the park, and Sian had wanted to stay home because of the heat. “Hey, whats wrong?” He asked us when he noticed we were both crying. Sian took off running and slammed her bedroom door. So needless to say telling Sian did not go well..
