September 4th. Dear diary,
So the shock and excitement still hasn’t worn off! Ezra and I are still smiling ear to ear. And so is Sian for that matter! She wants another brother or sister so bad. And then there’s Sadie who doesn’t really know enough to really care quit yet. Everything was so good, until my friend Erica texted me. My friend Erica, from Iceland remember? She’s coming down. She didn’t say why, she didn’t say for how long. She only said that she was coming on the 5th, which would be tomorrow. Its late at night now and im all cried out. Erica is bringing her daughter Tegan to see us, which is VERY emotional for Ezra and I. and my whole entire family back in rosewood for that matter. Mike my mom and dad are all flying down to Florida the 7th to see her. Im so excited, and so nervous at the same time. But its making me remember things that make me very emotional, very fast. Things like the night Ali went missing, Tegan’s dad, Iceland, the day I met Ezra, and the day I told Ezra about her.And I know Ezra has been very worried about meeting Tegan. I remember I had told him about her after a huge blow out fight, back before we were ever married. I mean Ezra and I had a fight here and there, small things. But no. this was a screaming at the top of our lungs fight.
It had been Tegan’s 3rd birthday and I could have stayed in bed and cried all day if I didn’t have Sian to worry about, and it didn’t help that Ezra had no clue who she was, therefore wasn’t necessarily sensitive to me that day when all I needed was his shoulder to cry on.
I was 18, Ezra was 23, and Sian was two months old. This fight had been horrible. I found out the truth about something he had lied to me about. I was at his apartment with Sian. At first I was yelling at him, as mad as I had ever been. He kept saying “im sorry! I didn’t mean to!” and so on. He had told one of his friends about Iceland, and some stories from Iceland I didn’t really want out. I didn’t mind that much that he told his friend, but then it got around the school and a lot of people knew. And at first, Ezra had denied telling anyone. So I was furious at him. Apparently I went too far by saying “Maybe Sian and I will just go back to Iceland, then.” and he freaked out on me, asking how I could threaten to take his daughter away from him, even in a moment of anger. So we fought and fought for hours. Sian was crying the whole time. Not because we were neglecting her or ignoring her, but because of how loud we were. The fight ended around midnight when I put Sian in her baby carrier, and left his apartment yelling “that’s it, we’re over.”
But he knocked on my house door the same night at 3am saying he was sorry. And we were back together. We knew neither of us had slept in days, I mean we did have a newborn. And we were just TOO tired, and would fight over anything. So my mom watched Sian for the day and the night afterwards, and Ezra and I slept at his apartment just to actually get a full nights sleep without having to get up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning. The next morning we had agreeded to never lie to each other again, meaning I had to tell him the truth about Tegan. And so I did.
I got pregnant three months before Alison went missing. I was 15 years old. Because of all the drama going on in rosewood, when I was 3 months pregnant we left for Iceland. And we managed to get out before anyone besides the four girls - Emily, Hanna, Spencer and Ali - had found out. And so know one knew about this. I wanted to keep my baby, very much. But I knew I couldn’t. my best friend went missing, my family was falling apart and we had little to no money, and I couldn’t change a diaper for goodness sakes. So, I gave her up for adoption. I was a part of her life at first, like in an incredible way. Her mother, Erica, let me come over every week and see her. I truly had the best of both worlds. I watched her grow up, and even got to baby sit her. But then we moved back to rosewood. I cried and cried for weeks. I mean who wants to be a part of there daughters life for a full six months, then just leave to never see her again? I had even gotten SO bad that I sobbed to Ezra the first day I had met him. It was a pool party at church and my parents forced me to go to get out of the house. Neither of us wanted to get in the pool, or stuff our faces with hot dogs and chips like everyone else so we talked. I didn’t tell him about Tegan, but I just told him I missed Iceland. And he had listened and cared. I was about to turn seventeen, and he was 23. But he didn’t know my age when he asked me out. Which caused A LOT of drama. Church drama, people saying it was wrong for a girl in the youth group to be dating a youth sponsor. But seeing my maturity, they let it slide. Ezra helped me get over my depression of Tegan. But I obviously did not learn my lesson. Because I very quickly got pregnant with Sian. Not that is was ok to do, I seriously feel guilty for it. But here’s what happened. Ezra and I went to his friends collage party. And what do you know? The soda? Spiked. Yep. But I never drink soda, and I couldn’t tell the difference. So, in our defence, we were both drunk, without knowing it. I mean we still knew enough not to do it, but we did anyway. I mean I still feel bad, but then again maybe it was meant to happen. If it wasn’t for the stupid spiked soda I wouldn’t have Sian and Ezra and I might have not been married. And Ezra and I are married now. So, all is well. Or was. I love Erica like my sister, and I love Tegan but I don’t know if I want her back in my life only to be taken away again.
