I was about to tell her. I was about to tell her the truth, but I had never seen her this happy since the day he knew he died.
She is beaming for the first time, her finger’s intertwined with Jonathan. How can I ever wreck that face just by saying that Harry is alive? That Harry lied to her. That he didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth. How can I say that when she’s finally happy like this?
“Lorraine what happened?” she asks, her voice filled with concern. She’s finally going back to the Summer I once knew. Not like that monotonous voice she always use since Harry died. She’s finally coming back to life.
“Summer he’s not…” my eyes went back to their hands and back to Summer’s beaming face. No. I can’t tell her. She’s better off without him anyway.
“I’ll take Jonathan with us.” Did he know? Did he know that Harry is alive? Questions filled my head and I can’t do anything but to just keep it.
“I…I need to see Stephan.” Without any other words I ran away from them hailed a cab and went straight to Stephan’s house.
It is still crystal clear in my head, that moment when I received a call from Summer’s mom. I just finished my audition with a company that will either make or break my career. I was hopeful, but hearing Summer’s sobs through the line made me realize that she needed me more. And that my career can wait. I left everything that could've changed my life.
“Harry’s dead.” They told me. And I remember how painful it was to lose him. He’s been my friend for as long as I can remember. But imagine how much more it pains Summer. My pain is irrelevant compared to hers. She’d been with her all the rest of her life, and to lose him in an instant is excruciatingly painful. I know that much.
When the cab reached Stephan’s house I stepped down, absentmindedly handing my fare as the driver looked at me.
“Are you okay?”
Okay? You found out that your friend is just lying on being dead, will I be okay with that? I just nodded nevertheless.
I know that Stephan is alone since his mom and dad are working till late at night and he’s the only son. I saw him sprawled in his bed, cans of beers scattered on his bedside table and photo albums lay messily in his bed.
“I could’ve been there for him.” He said, tears streaming down his eyes. “I mean, it’s been months now but I can’t still believe he’s gone.”
He stood up and picked a random photo in his bed. “Summer. She’s been through so much. All she ever did was to take care of us, and I can’t even comfort her. I feel guilty for leaving him alone. I was supposed to be with him in that camp. I was supposed to be there!”
I sat down in his bed trying to find his face but both of us seemed lost. His face looks ashen while mine pretty much resembles him. “Harry.” My voice trembled, “he is not dead.” I look pass by him my eyes held no expression.
He looks at me as if I was someone else, he never heard me lie. I am not the type of person who lies even in the smallest details.
“What?” his eyes wide and his expression showed disbelief and anger. “What do you mean?” in an instant he seems sober despite the cans of beers he just drank.
“He lied. I saw him. Celine knows too.” He stood up, pulled a jacket from his coat rack and thundered his way out of the house. I followed him feebly, my feet dragged me to where he is going.
I am not sure what he might do after this. His face held plenty of emotions that I cannot pinpoint which one dominated.
When we reached Harry’s house his mother stood there with her mouth hanging open, shocked that we are there.
“What brings you here?” she tried but Stephan is determined to know whether I’m telling him the truth.
“We know about Harry!” he pushed pass his mother and went straight to Harry’s room. Harry sat there his eyes covered with bandages, both his feet hanging on some device we do not know what for. Stephan trembled at the sight of Harry who is barely alive, he cannot walk. He cannot see and I can’t even imagine what pain he had been through.
“Harry.” Stephan said, his voice trembling. “Harry you’re not dead.”
He then looked at me and then back to Harry. “We should tell Summer!” he reached for his pocket but I stopped him.
“No.” Harry and I both said at the same time.
Just then there was a creak just below us. And I heard Harry’s mom gasped. “Summer what brings you here?”
Stephan was about to go down when I stopped him. He looked at me confused by my actions, I shook my head in reply.
“We’re going to Seoul.” I told him silently. “We’re not coming back, we’re staying there for good.”
"But we have to tell her." he demanded in hushed tones.
I shook my head again, this time I looked at Harry. "You know right? You know how much pain she's been through. You have to let her go."
I heard Harry sigh, and I watch as tears started escaping his eye bandage. “Yeo Reum-ie, annyeong.”
After hearing that Summer already left I decided to go as well. Stephan stayed behind, I would’ve stayed too but I wasn’t that forgiving. You don’t lie about death especially to those who loves you. You don’t lie about death just like that.
When I reached our home I saw Summer sitting at our doorstep just like when we were kids. She used to sit there and wait for me especially when she has problems. I smiled at her when she waved at me.
I sat down besides her, neither of us spoke. For one moment there it was as if we were two different persons, and that all the painful memories we shared was just a dream we had now woken up to.
“Do you think it is wise?” She started, “leaving?”
“Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be happy.”
“I know.” She said silently. “All this time I thought Harry is the only one who can make me happy, now that he’s gone I’m not sure anymore.”
“But you were happy a while back.” I told her hoping that my decision of not telling her is right.
“I was. But I can’t help but feel that I’m betraying him.”
I look at her then held her hand. “You know what, why write him a letter.”
She smiled, “I thought you don’t like the idea of me writing a dead person.”
But he’s not dead. I just smiled in return. “I am thinking maybe that will be a way for you not to think that you betrayed him.”
She smiled. “I will.”
She stood up and brushed the dust in her dress. “I have to go, it’s getting dark. Plus I have to pack.”
I nodded.
When she was out of the gate I called out to her.
“Summer!”
She looked back, her face more radiant than ever. But I know she's just faking it.
“Make sure you leave his letter in his room.”
