yí rì sān qiū
Quote
Harry,
It’s funny… how I can easily associate you with everything. How I associate your voice with the cold wind of winter. How I can’t help but think the way your eyes curve when I see the moon. How I always remember your voice when hearing that radio channel we used to listen to when we were kids.
I miss how you randomly blurt out words when you’re too tired from school. How you can easily jumble letters in the alphabet when you’re thinking things hard. Your sloppy handwriting when you’re too lazy to take notes. And the way you nag when you ask me to do it for you instead.
I miss how I always catch you looking at me and how you always try to look away How pissed you always get when I joke around about it in front of Lorraine and Stephan.
I miss how your voice can get a little sloppy upon waking up in the morning and how it can be so loud and excited when you’re happy. I miss that sudden change in your voice, that certain slur I always hear when you’re telling me about something that excites you. And also your monotone type of a voice when you’re not in the mood.
I miss how you smile so widely when your favorite team wins over mine. That lopsided smile when you’re looking at me and even that sloppy smirk you always do when you’re teasing me.
I miss the sound of your laughter especially at night, when you used to climb up my bedroom and we’d just sit there telling stupid plans about our future. That sudden laugh you always do when I tickle you. I even miss that fake laugh you give me when I crack jokes that aren’t funny.
I miss how your fingers curl into mine when you reach for my hand while walking me home. How you tickle my hand with your fingers and how you always win over me in thumb wrestling.
I miss the way you always flinch when the starting credits of my favorite chick flick started playing on our old beat-up DVD player, and how you try to willingly endure those awful hours just so you can sit beside me and just watch.
I miss the days when we can just sit by our favorite place and not talk. I miss that kind of silence. Because I know, back then that even with it, I’m still sitting right beside you. (Now it’s a different kind of silence. The painful one. Because you’re not here beside me anymore.)
I miss the days when you let me ride on your bicycle with the cold autumn wind brushing our faces. I miss how you pull off your jacket and endure the cold just to warm me up. How you can do the most subtle things and yet you still show that you care.
I miss that day when you excitedly asked “Chincha?” (Really?), the day I told you that I’ll play catch with you. (since you haven’t experienced it as a child because your father was too busy doing military stuff.) And also how you quickly wiped off that silly grin on your face and with your ego and said, “Arasso.” (Okay.) Remember when you asked me how I learned it and I told you I practiced with Jonathan while you were gone and how mad you were that you threw the ball so hard and it hit a man’s head that we ran crazily to save our dear lives.
I miss how we circle those happy days we shared in my room’s calendar and how we cross out the ones that aren’t too happy to think about.
I miss how you circle your arms around my waist when Cynthia walks by just to stop me from asking if you loved her more than I. Because honestly speaking, I love you more than anything.
I miss how you say those three little words, how you blush and stutter every time you say it because you’re not really the type to say what you really feel.
I miss how I can easily correct Stephan, Lorraine and even Jonathan about you. Those times when I prove them wrong about something that you did or didn’t do. I miss how you can read my every move and know when I need someone or wanted to be alone. You are the only one who understands.
Today’s idiom in our favorite radio station was yí rì sān qiū. It’s Chinese for 'One day, three autumns'. Meaning that one day apart from a person feels like three autumns has already passed. You were gone for about 74 days now. How many autumns it could’ve been? I lost count.
I miss your laugh. Your half moon eyes. The sweet smell of your shirt. You.
~Always,
Summer
