The Road Trip

Chapter 18: When Doubts Get the Best of Me

We're falling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go  

- "Never Say Never", The Fray

Jackie's POV

I woke up with Travis's arm wrapped around my waist. He was snoring lightly and I can't help but try to hold the laughter that I had. His mouth was slightly open and even in this state, he still managed to look so hot. Was it a crime to ogle at your attractive boyfriend? I moved to face him since my back my was facing his front. We were eye to eye now. His eyes were closed but I knew that the moment his orbs open, I'll be a willing captive who'd willingly surrender.

He moved closer to me until our noses touch. A smile formed in his lips and I knew that he was already awake. He slept without a shirt on and it made me feel warm in a different way. Wait. Jackie, hold yourself! It's not supposed to happen yet.

"You know, it's bad to stare at someone," he mumbled. I smiled out of embarrassment.

"I can't help it. This sleeping Adonis sleeping beside me is too hard to resist."

He chuckled and held me closer to him. I felt his muscles tense and it was a warning telling me that we should take it slow before we go any further. I felt something beneath me get hard and I knew that it wasn't me. It was him.

I let go of my shaky breath and closed my eyes telling myself to not lose control. I mean there was this internal debate deep down to have it with him or not but then I thought that it was too soon and it wouldn't be right. I had this feeling that it would be best to give it up after I get married and the deed would be worth it if I spend it with someone who I would love for the rest of my life. Travis was the perfect guy and I have no doubt that it'll be worthwhile but it was still so soon. We had to learn how to control ourselves.

"Don't worry," I heard him whisper. "I know what you're thinking. Believe me, this is so hard but it's too soon. I know you're not ready yet."

"How did you know?" I asked. Nice one, Jackie. You just asked a question with an obvious answer.

"Babe, you're warm and I can tell that you're...err... flushed even with my eyes closed."

His eyes opened now and he had this teasing look. I wanted to look away and skedaddle but then held me hostage with his arms around me and my hands against his chest.

"I don't want to make it hard for the both of us, Trav. I mean...I want to share that with you but..."

"It's too early for that, I know. I would wait for the perfect time for us to be together and I know you have reservations on that area, babe."

"Thank you." I locked my arms round his neck and kissed him lightly on the lips but then things took for a wrong turn when he deepened the kiss. And I kissed him back so hard. Good thing he was the first one to break it.

"I think it's time for me to get a cold shower."

"That's a good idea."

That was a close call and I was just lucky that Travis had more self-control than I did. It was his entire fault. Well, I couldn't blame the guy for being too hot, can I? I just shook my head and smiled despite what transpired between us earlier. Somehow, he and I were on the same page. Could it be that he was also thinking that I am the only one for him? I was dead sure that he was the right one for me.

When he finished with his bath, he came out with just a towel round his waist. I sat on the bed with wide eyes and he met mine with amusement. I gave him a knowing grin telling him that I knew what he was doing.

"You know, you're only making it hard for yourself." I crossed my arms on chest and huffed on the bed.

Instead of getting his clothes, he approached me and leaned into the bed, showing one of his sinewy legs. I held my breath once again and tried to stop the erratic beating of my heart. Relax, Jackie. Come on!

"I know that but I also know that everything is worth the wait, Jackie. We are meant for each other and I know that in the not so-distant future, you will be the woman that I'll be bringing in front of the altar may it be in Canada or here in Cebu."

"Really?"

"Really. I hope that you won't give up on us though. I only have four days left."

With the mention of his remaining days, I felt sad. That kind of idea made me sad. We were happy in the last couple of weeks but then everything was going to change once he leaves. I'll be alone and the fear of him looking for another person in Canada looms over me. Was I really going to be enough for him?

"Hey," he tipped my chin gently and made his bluish-gray gaze meet my sullen brown one. "What changed the mood?"

"You'll be going back to Canada soon."

"And?"

"I guess..."

"Whatever it is you're thinking, I'm going to tell you that no one will ever have my heart but only you, Jackie. I'm yours."

"What if you're going to get bored with our long distance relationship?" Right. Keep the doubts coming Jackie. You really know how to kill the mood Jackie.

"What brought this on, Jackie? Don't you trust me?" he stood up now. Travis was fuming as he got some clothes from his bag and went back inside to the bathroom to change.

I was stupid enough to think that he was going to leave me. I was being insecure again. I was stupid. I can't believe that I was allowing the weak part of me to get the best of me. It would ruin the chances of happiness that I had with Travis.

A couple of seconds later, he came out without meeting my gaze. I tried to call him but nothing came out of my lips apart from the breath that I was continuously holding.

"I'll take a breather."

Then I heard the door close. I was going to make amends this time. I won't let this man go, no matter what happens. I just have to fight this insecurity and fears that I have.