DARE

Chapter - 34 'Will Remember' *

PRESENT DAY

ANGEl

There are moments in life which you wish you never lived and this particular moment is one of those moments of my life. The older you get, the more people you lose but at the rate I am going I won't be surprised if I am left all by myself in a few years for now. No one will be just one call away, no one to promise me empty forever's, no one just me and my God forsaken life. At just twenty-five all the people I could call my family are dead. On the name of a family all, I, am left with is my maternal aunt and her nine-year-old daughter and it's been years since we last met. Losing people I love is not new to me but every time it hurts a little more than before, every time I wish it's was the last time, but it seems like I am running out wishes.

Death always brings ugly memories and rejection and leaves me with a familiar emptiness inside. It makes me questions everything.

My first encounter with the death happened when I was just nine years old, and my whole family went to India. I remember how my mother used to complain about how she much she miss India and intensity with which celebrations occur in India.

After ignoring my mother's demand for years of celebrating Diwali in India, my dad finally gave in and  I along with whole family went to India to celebrate Diwali. Diwali is a traditional Hindu festival also known as the festival of lights. In India, it's all about big feasts and lighting crackers whereas here in states my family celebrates Diwali with utmost simplicity along with other fellow Indians in Texas.But when it comes to India and celebrations there is no point of simplicity. On the night of feast, my whole family was gathered at my nanny's place in Chandigarh one of most beautiful city in India. My nanny suffered a heart attack on the eve of Diwali and died the next morning.

Even when all my memories of her are mostly vague, I still remember how incredible woman she was.My nanny and I were close.Her sudden dead left a great impact on me and after the sudden disappearance of my elder sister the same year was at little too much for the nine years old me everything that happened that year affected my parents a lot worse. That year was the darkest year of my life.

Unfortunately, this year seems like a replica of that miserable year I had. This year death has knocked up my life again. This year I had let death win again. This year parts of me died a silent death with everything I had.

After so many encounters with death, Now I know it's easy to lose than love.It easy to miss someone when he is gone, and it is a hell lot harder to miss a person when he is right in front of you. You know it's all over when you see the person you love miles away from you when he is standing right next to you. You know you are broken forever because now he can't fix you.

When everything was perfect in my imperfect world I never really bother to appreciate it. The irony of my life is now when life has taught me to be patient and be grateful. There, not much left in my life for me to be grateful. With him, my life appeared too bright, too perfect to be real.

Now every question I ever been asked about the man who made my life worthy of all kind of appreciation keep coming back to me.

There was always someone in the room which use to ask me what it's like to his perfect match they asked  ''What was the one thing I would never change about him '' And so many other questions of the same fashion. Some curious creatures of gods didn't stop at that and even asked questions taking in regard the future of our relationship. ''What if you fall out of love? ''Are you insecure of losing him to another girl in future ?''.

There was a time when all these questions held no meaning to me I was just living my dream with him. Now I wish I had answered all those questions I ignored and gave all the information I kept to myself In hope that when we failed to figure out what we had the world will eventually come up with something that could help both us to figure it all.