Cruel Me

Chapter 37: The Scientist

TIP: Play the song while reading this chapter.

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This isn't right.

My hands made their way to Snow's upper arms. As gently as I could, I pushed her away. I lowered my head and sighed. I couldn't do this.

"Oz," murmured Snow.

I met her eyes. They were so loving – so trusting. They weren't like that before, at least the trust part. It only changed because her brother cleared it up for me. That said a lot.

Sure, I still love her. I don't think that would ever change. She's my first love. She will always be a part of me. But I realize that . . . I'm not in love with her anymore.

My cold stone of a heart belonged to someone who made it warm and fuzzy. That same someone who didn't need to have a second opinion about me. That someone who never doubted me, and trusted me with all her heart. That someone who believed in me no matter what. I mean, she even got me to describe my feelings as warm and fuzzy.

Well, fuck.

"I'm sorry," I told Snow, shaking my head.

Her eyes widened in realization. "No," she mumbled.

My forehead creased. "I can't."

"Oz, don't do this," she pleaded, grabbing onto my hands while her tears continued to flow. "I love you." She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "I never stopped loving you."

I raised a hand, pointed to my chest, and looked into her eyes.

"You used to own this. You taught me how to love, Snow." I smiled. "And you don't know how fucking thankful I am for it – so much. But see, that dork," I paused to wet my bottom lip, "that dork saved me. I was fucking drowning in hell. She pulled me out. And for the first time in my life, I wanna be good."

She blinked at me in surprise.

I frowned, as if that just hit me. "I wanna be fucking good," I repeated in disbelief.

Whoa.

"She owns every part of me, Snow." A warm smile made its way to my lips, thinking back to the time when my eyes first met her purple ones. "Halo owns my soul."

* * *

She was avoiding me. Again.

I sighed and looked around the room. She was just here. Damn, I missed her. I haven't seen her all week. Where the hell was she?

"I told you," pressed Brooklyn, as she stacked up some papers. She refused to look me in the eye, that was how I could tell she was lying. "I don't know where Halo is."

"Bullshit," I shot back.

She didn't answer.

"Why is she avoiding me?" I asked, trying to keep myself from begging.

She stopped what she was doing and finally looked at me with a glare. With a raised eyebrow, she scoffed, "You really don't know?"

The kiss I had with Snow last Monday night instantly popped in my mind, making me squeeze my eyes shut. Halo couldn't possibly know that. But if she did . . .

I rubbed my face with a hand. "Fuck."

"I hope you didn't," muttered Brooklyn.

I frowned. "How did she find out?"

Closing her eyes, she let out breath and massaged her temple. "She was on the way to the hospital when you called." When she opened her eyes, she shot me a look. "She saw the whole thing with you and Snow Crimson."