my dads an assasin, gee, you picked a great job dad!

my dads an assasin, gee, you picked a great job dad! 44

lingerie gets used a weaphon here, so if you have an issue with that, please just skip that scene. i will mark its begining and end. (and if i spelled that wrong i'm refering to french underwear)  sorry if its short, but my friend says its halarious so hopefully that will make up for its lenght.

it was only now that my dad noticed that he forgot to take off his Zorro costume.

I broke down from laughter. My body convulsing and shaking on the floor because I was trying so hard not to.

As if on cue some Korean dude came running towards our house and litterally barreled through the window. Thankfully the President was gone by now. All I heard was a mess of Korean that was comming out so fast i couldn't tell if he'd paused to end the paragraph or the sentence.

Dad got it though, how he did. I really don't know.

After that the guy jumped out through or other window. Seriously?

Dad just walked away.

"Hey! Aren't you going to do something about the window?" I yelled at his back.

"I'll fix it tomorrow." He muttered.

"Tomorrow!" WHAT?!

"Yes tomorrow. The day after today."

I can't beleive this. The freaking window is broken into a million peices and he's saying he'll fix it TOMORROW!

Some dude-don't ask me where he's from, I don't know!-bashed my window open and somehow my dad ended up in the room with the dude holding a gun to my head and yelling at my dad in.... well, 'demons' (i can't do the little squiggely thing over the n) is hell in Spanish, then he threw in some Japanese, Chinese, Korean, French and....Cantonese? I have no dea what the guy was saying. Thats all i'm saying.

I think my dad was high because he tossed the guy holding a gun to my head a beer. Then they chugged. They they started yelling at each other in Latin. Then the dude started....was he singning or cursing us very rapidly to hell? And then my dad started doing some insane mix beetween the Dougie and the Jerk.....What the hell?

In the midst of all this chaos a rabid dog broke into the house and decided my dads ass was very tasty-looking....then my dad started shooting at the dog and somehow ended up killing the dude that was holding me hostage-so i guess that all worked out-but the dog refused to let his rear go so my dad kept trying to shoot it witout shooting himslef....

At some point the dog decided my dad's rear was not tasty and jumped onto me. I fired a shot but it missed and ended up hitting my dad in the leg....crap.

Dad got pissed grabbed a freaking crowbar and well.....do you know what the guilliotine did? yeah? well thats what happened to the dog.

Once the dog was dead he lost it completly and bashed the thing down into my head. What the hell dad?

My head was in freaking agony when i came to. The shock did not help me at all. I was on a bed that wasn't mine, spread eagle style on the bed, with restraints holding me down. WHAT THE HELL?

"WHAT THE HELL?" my dad bellowed when he waled itno the room.

"I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THAT!" i screamed.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHINESE DUDE?"

"WHAT CHINESE DUDE?"

"THE CHINESE DUDE THAT I'D STRAPPED DOWN TO THE BED!"

"I'M THE ONE YOU STRAPPED DOWN TO THE BED!"

"I STRAPPED THE CHINESE DUDE TO THE BED! NOT YOU!"

"THEN WHY AM I THE ONE ON THE BED?"

"WHERE'S THE CHINESE DUDE?" dad hollered. "I NEED TO FIND HIM!"

"HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! DAD! DAD! DAD!"

he just ran out of the room. "I'LL UNTIE YOU WHEN I FIND HIM HONEY!" he bellowed over his shoulder as he ran from the room.

I hollered out the f word in Spanish after him.

Getting out of this mess was not easy. It took me long enough to get my hands free, but my feet refused to budge. I did something stupid, insane, and possibly suicidal. But hey, it worked. I stabbed myself in each leg, making the blood slide down my leg like crazy, making it slick and making it easier for me to get out of the restraint. Normal people would wonder if it was going to leave a scar, I just hoped I could still do karate and kung-fu after this.

IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH PANITES BEING USED DON' READ THIS PART

my dad and the Korean dude were going at with the poles from the curtains-keep in mind that my dad was still in his zorro costume. Zorro doing kung-fu and karate was a very weird thing. My dad firing my undies that i'd gotten fom France at his opponent....even weirder. And now he was throwing my high-heels like they were missiles from a sling-shot made out of my french lingerie, that was just insane. Note to self: men panic if you start firing girl thins at them. What the hell? Why was my dad firing my.....? Oh this is just insane. To top it off he had found one of my bra's-what the hell is my bra doing in the living room?-and started smaking the other dude with it.

The other dude was just standing there confused. This was not what he had expected.

IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH PANITES BEING USED THE SCENE ENDS HERE

Finally, he stopped using my personal things as weapons and started hurling shoes at the dude....this was getting so out of hand.

Dad yanked the socks off his feet and smacked the duy across the face with it.

The guy stood there for a second and then just fell over.

I grabbed my personal stuff and stashed it. I yelled at him for that. He countered with saying that an assasin had to be rescourcefull. He had me there.

After that we dragged the dead guy to a nearby cememtary and buried his body-its not easy to dig a grave, no matter how many times you've seen them on tv, its not easy-and by the end of it we were covered in mud and blood because it was dark and we accidentaly stabbed the body and not the earth a few times. If only today was halloween night this would have made the perfect costumes, but alas, today was not halloween.