Secrets, Deals and Lies

Chapter 14 - Reckless Child

He takes his hand off my mouth slowly and rubs away the tears but that only made me cower away from him. ‘Just leave me alone.’ I finally muttered opening my eyes but looking to the side so I couldn’t see him at all.

‘I’m sorry Remy. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want to hear it but I am. I just… I really don’t know what I was thinking. I'm so ashamed of myself and I finally realise that.’ He says moving to where I was looking, but I look away to the other side.

‘Leave me alone.’ I say crudely clenching my jaw, still avoiding him as he tries to move to where my gaze was. He gives up and finally stops moving around now standing two meters in front of me, ‘Remy, please you have to listen to me. There’s something else I wanted to tell you as well.’

I ignore him and try to make my way to the door but he stops me and pushes me back to the wall again, this time leaving his hand on my shoulder calm and unnoticeably. ‘Remy, please, listen to me!’ he says starting to raise his voice, but for some reason there was a tint of anxiety. Why would he be anxious? What's there for him to be anxious about?

I shrug his hand off my shoulder and he brings it back to his sides but as he did so he leans in a bit closer – but not too close, and giving me no choice but to look at him. I only just hold in my gasp as I see bruises and cuts all over his face; the biggest bruise was on his cheek and it looked like he splattered a whole heap of red make-up on it or something.

Even though I hated him so much I couldn’t help but think what had happened, I wanted to ask him as it was on the tip of my tongue but I didn’t want to feel sorry for him. I hated him. Why should I even care?

I look away again as the memories of what happened the last time I saw him came flashing back and all of a sudden I could feel his touch on me again. Even though Billy was about a meter away from me right now I could still feel him; his hand gripping onto my wrist, his thumb running across my lip, his hand behind my neck, his body on mine. I shuddered and looked at the floor.

‘I thought I could trust you,’ I whispered softly choking back a sob. He didn’t hear me but knew I said something so moved closer a little. ‘I-I thought you were different. I actually trusted you Billy.’ I couldn’t look up for I feared that I would all of sudden burst into tears. ‘How could you do that to me? How?’ I cried fists clenched, still staring down at the floor.

‘That’s just what I do Remy. I know you won’t believe me but sometimes I don’t have control over what I'm doing, something else has control. But to hurt someone like you I didn’t think I would ever do it, I don’t even know why. I don’t know what was going through my head and what I was trying to prove.

‘But please, don’t be scared of me okay? I need to be here for you, for the sake of Jack as well as you. He’d want me to be here for you. I promised him.’

‘What would you know?’ I yelled at him. ‘What would you know about Jack, what would you know about me? I hate you and that’s all there is to it!’ I looked up at him angrily but didn’t wait for his answer.

‘If you really want to do something for Jack – just leave me alone, he wouldn’t want someone like you to be looking after me, not after what you did.’ I say disgustingly.

He looks at me hurt and opens his mouth to say something but then shuts it again searching for words to say but not finding them. He stands there for a while and for some reason I just stood there too, before finally he opens his mouth again and this time words came out. ‘I-I saw Jack.’ He says jaw tensed.

I felt frozen for some reason and just by the sound of Jack’s name coming out like that, it made me feel like crying; I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I could probably never see him again, and when I do he’ll probably already have a girlfriend or wife or something and will be getting on with life happily – just as I’d want him to.