Secrets, Deals and Lies

Bracelets and boys

The bracelet from my dream that the boy gave me was still on my wrist, I never took it off. It was handmade and I loved it.

It had a long, thin wood that wrapped over ¾ of my wrist held together by a string of some sort. It was bright blue like the colour of the boys’ eyes and dark blue swirls all over making it stand out nicely.

I kind of for­got that I still had it on because I made sure that no one took it off, not even me, I used to adore it so much that I would kiss it good night before I went to sleep as if it was my imaginary friend. But I grew older and started to forget about it; where it came from, how I got it and most importantly who gave it to me. Though somewhere inside me something would remind me not to lose it or even dare to take it off – keep it close and safe; and I did.

I walked along the towns’ dark road thinking and wondering “what if?” the faint light right behind me as I walk street along street not thinking about where I’m going.

Sooner or later I stop and realised there was nothing but black and bright stars in the beautiful midnight sky the moon bright and shinning like the stars.

‘Hey, Remy, where ‘ave ya been, eh? Been lookin’ all ova for ya.’ A slight figure of a man appears, stumbling closer and closer toward me.

It took me a while to realise who it was.

‘Jack...? What are you doing? Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at home?’

‘Naah, I’mma big boy now… So where’ve you been, Remy? Where’d you go, eh?’ he slurs more draggy than usual, his words were soft and ran into each other, blinks slow and uneven.

‘I- I just went for a walk. Jack come on you look so sleepy I’ll take you to your house.’

‘Mmm… nah I’m ‘right.’ He walks closer to me and I can now see he’s face in the faint light; tired, sweaty and confused. ‘Jack, come on, please. Let’s go, I'm tired and I know you are too.’

‘No, I’ll do what I want from now on!’ suddenly he raises his voice, but he wasn’t angry or violent.

He takes a few more steps closer until we’re face to face, looking deep into each other’s eyes but for once his eyes were wavering and looking everywhere else but me. He reeks of whisky just like Nick did when he’d come back from days’ work, I gasp, ‘Jack-’ I start but get cut off immediately. ‘Yeesssssss?’ He asks dragging it out exaggeratedly.

I narrow my eyes, ‘you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?’ I ask saying the words slowly in my mouth as if tasting if it was right or not. ‘I. Ah. Have… Been. Well-’ his face contorts as he realises what his done wrong, his eyes glass over but no tears come out.

‘Jack! Why?’ I let him think for a bit as he starts to blink a few times. ‘Actually you’re not right right now, so… why don’t we just go to your place, sleep it over and we’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?’ I ask hopefully, knowing that if I stand here telling him off it won't do anything good for the both of us.

He starts to chortle, ‘you’re funny!’ he teases pointing a finger at me. All of a sudden he stops laughing and looks at me with a straight face, eyes narrowed, eyebrows knitted and breathing slowing. ‘Ever wondered how that little boy felt?’ he asks, staring at my wrist.

‘Jack, what are you talking about?’ I ask confused.

‘You know exactly what I’m talking about… Remiah.’

He gently grabs my wrist with the bracelet on it and stares at it for a long time. My wrist wrested in his warm and sweaty broad hand; he stares, brainwashed by my bracelet, breathing heavily in the night air.

I was too confused and upset to wonder how he too knew my full name I dismissed it and waited for his next move.

‘Do you know who gave this to you?’ Still looking down at my bracelet I could barely hear him but picked up bits of what he said.

‘Yes. I think…’ he looks at me with solemn eyes, finally looking up from my bracelet, hands closing around in my wrist softly.

‘…When I was about 6 I met a boy, about my age, we played together at a park… at some point we stopped and sat down. He took off a bracelet on his wrist and put it on mine. He said he would never forget me and I told him I would come back. When my parents came to pick me up I didn’t get a chance to say good bye to the kid.

‘Never saw him again and I didn’t even know his name…’ my voice trailed off in a quiet, sad tone. Jack looks down at my bracelet again, ‘but you never did… did you?’ he whispers, shuffling a bit in his spot.

He knew I was confused and he didn’t even look up at me.

‘Just left the poor kid waiting for eleven years.’ He looks up at me, deep into my eyes as if he could see straight through me, as if he knew every little thing that I did, what I went through – all my feelings. His voice; grief and angry, trying to tell me something.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out of me as if my lips were glued together, but I have nothing to say.

Now holding both my wrists he pulls me closer until I can hear him breathing and smell the strong stench of whisky. His face tired and desolate in the moon light; eyes sparkling like stars, and lips all wet from the brew and spittle.

He lets go of my wrists slowly though I don’t move. We stand there, close, staring into each other’s eyes without a word or emotion.

‘I wonder how the little boy is now. Probably isn’t a little boy anymore though,’ a laugh slips out awkwardly, as I finger my bracelet on my wrist nervously. There’s no reply instead he starts to sway about struggling hard to keep himself up, gazing straight into my eyes and nothing else.

‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ I ask slowly, now remembering everything that glued to each other like a web. Why he let me stay at their house. Why the photo of that little boy looked so familiar. Why he looked so familiar.

‘You were the little boy that gave me the bracelet, the little boy that I should’ve come back for? All this time… you knew? That was why you let me stay at your house? Wasn’t it?’

Again he does not reply but stands there swaying about even more, he leans down with his hands on his knees and stays like that for a while. He stands up straight again and gives me a little smile, then out of nowhere he just pukes right in front of me, only just missing my feet.

I rub his back to soothe him, ‘Jack, are you ok?’ I ask scared and unsure what to do. My nose scrunches up as he pukes even more in front of me, the more I watch the more I start to feel sick myself but I don’t move, instead I stood there still rubbing his back. He starts to shake uncontrollably and the smell starts to come up. Because it was so dark I could barely see what was going on, and could smell and hear the endless roaring from Jack.

When he stops vomiting I help him to a nearby street seat, his whole weight is put on me just like Nick when he first came home drunk. The smell of vomit follows us to the chair clinging on to Jack. As soon as we get to the seat he collapses helplessly on top and looks at me eased, his moon-lit face smiling tirelessly.

I sit next to him in the dark, listening to all the sounds that surround us and stare at the shining stars above and before I knew it I was asleep on the street seat, my head rested on Jack’s shoulder, arms wrapped around each other.