Kings (Jaspar)

Joe

"You want me to come?" Zoe says.

"No you need rest." I say giving Zoe and squeeze "I'm so glad you're okay."

Zoe has to stay here for a couple of days to recover from her surgery but the Doctor says she will be okay.  We are cuddling on her bed as I tell her and Alf what happened. It was the next day and I was about to go see Caspar.

"How about I come?" Alfie says nervously looking up from his seat next to the bed.

"Oh umm."

To be honest I want to go alone. I am going to see Casp, well hopefully, but I can't think about that. I don't want anyone else there. I want to ether see Caspar or not see Caspar but I want to do it alone.

"Let him go," Zoe says grabbing my hand "I don't want you to be alone."

"I love you." I say and nod at Alfie. 

The two of us get up and leave Alfie giving Zoe a cute forehead kiss. It made me wonder if I was going to get to do those things with Caspar again, kiss his forehead, hold his hand, be in love.

I walk the hallways of this god damn hospitals again. I can't live like this, it's one thing after another, I just want the moments in between, the talks with Zoe, the jokes with Troye and Connor, and of course spend every second I possibly can with Caspar. 

We turn a corner and reach room 143. It's funny 1 4 3 is something my Mum used to say, it meant I love you. Each number corresponded with a word, 1 being I because it had one letter. Now room 143 was the room which held Caspar, the boy I love.

I walk in to see many Doctors standing around Caspar bed. Why are they here is this good or bad.

"Um hello?" Alfie says.

"Hello boys, are you Caspars friends?" An older Doctor asked.

"Something like that." Alfie says since I'm too scared to talk "is he awake?"

"No. He will wake up soon. But boys we don't wanna give you false hope." The Doctor says "just because he is waking up doesn't mean he is okay, or that he will survive, and if he does there will be permanent damange to his spine or even his brain."

I know it's bad but at least he is still alive. His lungs are rising and falling, his heart is beating. Caspar is alive and he is waking up.

"Here come sit with him when he wakes up." The old Doctor waves his hand and we move and I sit next to Caspar.

The interlock my fingers with Caspars. And stare down at his perfect face, it has a couple of small cuts and bruises but it was still perfect to me. Caspars eye lids slowly flutter open, showing the blue eyes I love. For a moment Caspars lips form a small smile as he looks up at me.

"Joe where am I?" Caspars voice is weak and quiet it almost doesn't sound like him:

"Mr.Lee you where in a bus crash?" A Doctor says

"Are you okay?" Caspar says looking at me.

"Yes Caspie don't worry about me." I say squeezing his hand tight.

"Mr.Lee, I am so sorry to be the one who has to tell you this. But you have some major internal bleeding, so you need surgery to fix it." The Doctor says.

"Okay." Caspar says weakly.

"I am sorry Mr Lee there's more. Your heart stopped serval times last night. It is very possible that your heart can sustain surgery." The Doctor says.

"So he could die?" I say.

"Yes it is quite likely. So if you prefer we could just make you comfortable." The Doctor says "we will give you the room."

The Doctors leave and so does Alfie. I wrap my arms around Caspar and pull him close careful not to move him too much, I'm worried I will hurt him more. What is life without Caspar, but I don't want him to feel pain. I can't make this choice for him.

"I love you Joe." Caspar says

"I love you too." I say kissing his forehead

"Joe can I ask you something?" He says.

"Anything?"

"You said something to me while I was out and I was wondering if you meant it?" Caspar says.

I scrunch up my eye brows.

"What did i say?"

"You said if I lived we would get married."

I blush like crazy and kiss his forehead.

"I can't believe you remember that." I say.

"You didn't answer the question." He says grinning at me.

"Well I don't know, I guess," I say like an idiot. I take a breath to calm myself "yes, I want to marry you. Our lives have been one thing after another, but I want to spend everyday with you. We don't have to if you don't want to, and we don't have to do it tomorrow or anything, I don't even thing we can get legally. But basically yeah, I love you, I want it all. I want you to be my husband."

Caspar reaches up and kisses my lips and smiles at me, it's a tired smile, a weak smile, but it's still Caspars smile.

"Then I am going to have the surgery and live and we will get married, and spend our lives together."