Summer daydream

Chapter 25

After I got back to school, I started officially going out with Jake.  Every night, I felt hollow, and I know that I made a huge mistake.  Maybe breaking up with Brody wasn't a good idea.  I mean, the reason I broke up with him was because I was scared of what his love could do to me.  But I hadn't thought of what it would be like to not be with him.  I hadn't even considered what it's like to not be going out with him.  And now that I took the time to think about it, it absoloutely sucks.

It's been two weeks, and Jake and I's dating gossip started fading away.  I didn't want to go to school, because I didn't want to face Brody and Jake.  Honestly, when did I start having so much boy troubles?

I walked through the gate, when Jake spotted me.  He walked briskly to me, and held me in a tight embrace.  He had a lopsided grin on his face, and he kissed my forehead.  I smiled weakly.  He didn't seem to notice my loss of excitement.  He doesn't notice anything when I want him to.  Can't he be a little more observant?

I was in class, staring out the window.  My eyes focused to the trees outside, to my droopy reflection, then back to the trees.  I sighed quietly, staring at my reflection.  I looked pretty tired, and because I hadn't been able to sleep well these days, there was a black shadow under my eyes, which was hidden with a mountain of make up.  Holy, I have so much make up on though!  Before, I didn't even put a trace of mascara on, now I put a whole bunch every day.

And that's when I got an answer for my previous question.  When did I start having so much boy trouble?  After I met Brody.  When I started dressing up all nicely.  When I started putting a truckload of make up on.  And Jake has never seen me without make up and dressed up.  But Brody has.  He's seen me at my worst, at my ugliest.  Hell, he's seen me when I'm sick, looking like I'm about to die!  And then I noticed how wrong it was to break up with Brody.  It's not being with Brody that hurts me, it's not being with him that hurts me.

The moment the bell rang, I dashed out of the class room.  I didn't feel like school anymore.  I can't be here for a moment longer.  I started running through the crowded halls, but then I bumped into someone.  I mumbled an apology, and glanced up long enough to see who it was.  I was about to take off again, but his huge hands held me in place.

"Hey, are you okay?  You look really worn out." Brody's soothing voice rung through my ears, making me want to cry.  I blinked frantically and nodded, getting his release off of me, and ran.  Gosh he's so observant!  I thought I put enough make up to cover my tiredness, but I guess not.

I ran into my car and slammed the door closed.  I revved the engine and started driving, just as the song Fix You by Coldplay was on the radio.  It was such a sad melody, a melody I knew so well...  My tears poured down my eyes.

And the tears come streaming down your face,

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste,

Could it be worse?

The lyrics flowed through me, not helping my tears coming to a stop.  No, it couldn't be worse.  It's the worst feeling ever, like you're caught in a trap, and you're dead.  Like you're a vase and it dropped, shattering into a million pieces.  I ran into my house and threw myself onto my bed.  It wasn't a good idea to ditch school, especially because I missed so many days already, but I couldn't help it.  It's better than to break down in the middle of class, anyway.

The next day, Jake was waiting in front of my locker.

"Hi!" He said, smiling at me.

"Hi Jake."  I replied, forcing a smile.