Phan / Oneshots Collection

Doubt

au: dan finds it difficult to trust after a checkered past of regret

tw: abuse, angst

song!fic - doubt by twenty øne pilots

(lowercase letters are intentional)

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authors pov:

scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity

dan slouched in his uncomfortable wooden desk as his history teacher went on with the lesson. it was his first day in his new school and he was beyond nervous and uneasy.

his family packed up and moved because of dan getting bullied constantly. but he was used to it. it's not the first time his family had to move because of this...maybe if dan wasn't so weak and picked up for himself he would gain more confidance and be happy with himself..

scared of my own ceiling, scared i'il die of uncertainty

he gazed over to see the outside from his perfect window seat. droplets of water slowly, but surely made their way down the glass and disappeared almost too quickly for the boys liking.

the rain was calming and gave him peace at mind. as his brown irises were focusing on another droplet a sharp firm voice shot from the front of the room
"dan! this is history class, not the daydream department. may i please have your attention?"
the highschooler sighed and nodded. "yes sir."

***

dan's pov:

fear might be the death of me.. fear leads to anxiety. don't know what's inside of me

i was making my way home. back to my bedroom. back to my laptop and music. back to where everything almost made sense.

the sky was still grey, giving off a 'im dark and upset' persona. nothing weird for berkshire, england.

although the pouring ran had subsided, the sky was still dewy and misty making dans brown hair a curly natural mess. as he was kicking a couple stones down the street a voice called out. it was a northern accent if he ever heard one.
"hey, you!"

dan turned around to find a tall guy with a black fringe falling over his light blue eyes jogging toward him.
"you left your science folder..i was told to give it to you." the northern guy handed me the red folder with endless notes inside and i shoved it in my bag, closing it up again.
"im phil lester, by the way!" he told me with a smile.
im supposed to say my name now, right?
"o-oh, im dan howell. hello!" i smile back a weak smile in which he returned.
"thanks for my folder by the way.."
"oh, it's nothing. i'il catch you later dan! bye!" he waved and jogged back toward the large building.
i wave at him before returning back to my route home..
damn, he was cute..

don't forget about me..even when i doubt you. im no good without you, no

i open the front door, shutting it behind me. i drop my schoolbag to floor and take off my shoes.
mum pokes her head around the wall as she notices me. "hi hun," she greeted.

"hey mum," i reply in a flat tone.
i follow her  into the kitchen in search of a snack.
"so how was your first day?" she asked, flicking her brown hair over her shoulders as she prepared dinner.