Going To Be

Chapter Fourteen - As The World Falls Down

I watched Jackson walk into the bedroom with a frown etched on my face. He wasn't the same person he had been before all of this had happened, that much was clear. I hadn't expected him to be either, but I hadn't expected this much disconnection. One minute he was lost in me, like we were the only two people left in the world, and the next he just seemed so lost.

"I'll go." Daniel said softly. "I should have waited, now wasn't the right time."

"No, it was the right time." I assured him. "Deep down he knows it meant nothing, You're family Daniel. Don't go. Just give him a chance to cool down."

"Why do I feel like he's still missing?" Daniel whispered.

"Because parts of him still are."

Daniel nodded and walked towards his bedroom door. "Night Amber. I'm sorry about everything."

I smiled and nodded. he closed the door behind him and I stood there in the living room for a few minutes before walking towards my bedroom. I opened the door and stared down at a sleeping Jackson. He looked peaceful as he lay there, finally unaffected by the demons that were plaguing him. He looked as though nothing had happened. Like the past few months were nothing but a nightmare.

I sat on the edge of the bed, wanting to touch him, to let my fingers softly graze his skin. I didn't want to wake him, so I settled for watching him instead.

It wasn't long before I began to feel tired. The past few weeks had been stressful on me too, no where near as bad as Jackson of course however. I stripped off and lifted Jackson's discarded shirt up. I threw it on and inhaled his scent.

I climbed into bed beside him, allowing my body to curve into his. He wrapped an arm around my waist and for a moment everything felt normal. I drifted off to sleep, feel more at peace than I had in a long time. He was back, and we were together. Just like it was always supposed to be.

It didn't stay that way, in the pitch blackness of night I felt Jackson rip his body violently from mine and up out of the bed. His breathing was ragged, sounding almost as though he couldn't breath at all. I sat up and looked at him. He was in the corner of the room, on the floor with his arms around his knees. the moonlight shone through the window by his head and lit his face up enough so that I could see he was crying. I slid off the bed and crawled across the floor until we were face to face. He avoided looking at me though and bent his head down.

"Jackson." I whispered. "I'm here, you're okay."

He didn't speak, he just continued to breath much too quickly, the rasp worsening as time went on.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, but instead of moving toward me he held on to himself tighter. I felt the tears touch my eyes before I could stop them. I wanted to fix his hurt, but I knew I couldn't. I pulled back and rest against the bed. We sat there, apart, but together for five full minutes before his breathing softened and he looked up at me.

"I was back there." He said slowly. "On the beach, alone. Dying." he gulped.

"Jackson it was just a nightmare."

He scoffed. "That's just it Amber. It's the nightmare that won't end. I was really there, I remember the feel, the smells, the loneliness that never left. I'm no longer there in body, but I'm scared that in my head I don't think I'll ever leave." he spoke quietly, and I could hear a strand of anger in his voice.

"I know it feels that way now, but you'll find a way Jackson. You always do."

"I'm not sure it's possible this time Amber."