Going To Be

Chapter Three - Beside You

I walked over to the bathroom door and lifted my hand to knock. Before my fist could touch the wood though I heard Jackson let out a sob. My heart cracked, and I opened the door without knocking.

"Jackson." I whispered as I walked across the white tiled floor, it was cold underneath my feet. Jackson turned away from me and turned the shower nozzle until the water streamed down on to the cubicle floor.

"Amber, I just want to be alone right now." His voice was so cold that it froze my heart. Fear filled every space in my body, and nausea raced through me.

"Please don't say that." I pleaded. I couldn't deal with him shutting me out, not when I all I wanted was to help.

His shoulders sagged as he let out a deep sigh. He turned to face me, his eyes were red and slightly puffy. "I don't want to be alone." He mumbled. "I just didn't want you to see me like this."

I stepped forward and placed my hand on his slightly rough cheek. His five 'o' clock shadow felt like a weak grade of sandpaper underneath my hand. I let my eyes catch his, I saw through the puffiness and found the center of his soul.

"Don't be ashamed of feeling sad Jackson." I replied. "I don't think any less of you."

"I know. It's just I thought I could do all of this." His eyes closed, shutting off the connection between us like a light switch. He pulled back from me and turned to the ivory vanity, his hands rest against it. "But I can't."

The bathroom began to fill with steam, the mirror was fogged over, even if I wanted to see Jacksons face I couldn't. I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't back you up. Jackson I'll stand by you, whatever you do."

He straightened up before turning to look back at me, he smiled, but it was so slight it was barely there. "I know. I'm dropping out. The decision's made. I think it's been at the back of my mind for a while and Bevan bringing it up just hit the raw nerve I was trying to ignore."

"It's not dropping out when you're sacrificing for the career of a lifetime Jackson." I offered.

"Maybe I'll feel that way in time."

"When things calm down, you could always go back and finish?"

Jackson nodded and placed his hands on my hips. "You always try to find something positive." He grinned and pulled me in close. "It's something I love so much about you."

"I can't help it. I spent so much time dwelling on my own darkness that now I'm through it I want to spread lightness somehow."

"Well. What silver lining can you find in here Amber?" Jackson raised an eyebrow, his fingers slipped under the waistline of my gym pants.

The water still ran hot from the showerhead, so hot that now the steam surrounded us. It was a situation easily fixed by switching on the demister and the fan, but I had a better idea. I pulled at the leotard until the clips snapped off, I freed it from my tights and discarded it on the floor beside us. Jackson watched me with intent as I stood there in my black sports bra and grey gym pants.

"What are you doing?" He hissed, his voice was tense now, the good kind.

"Well I need a shower, and you need cheering up." I pointed to the hot water. "Two birds. One stone. Silver lining."

Jackson let out a soft chuckle he shook his head and let go of my hips to remove his own shirt. "You think you're so clever don't you."

"Think?" I murmured as I pulled the tights down. I stepped out of them and looked back at a bemused, topless Jackson. "I don't think, I know."