Going To Be

Chapter Eight - Against All Odds

I muddled through Thursday and Friday the best I could. With Daniel around it seemed much easier to function. While I was sorry he was nursing heartache over Hana, I was more than grateful for his company.

The light at the end of the tunnel was Alice's arrival. Despite this horrendous situation, I had been looking forward to it. My entire world had been tilted on its axis, but not her.

Daniel helped bring them in through the back when they arrived. Alice bee lined for me the moment they stepped inside the apartment. Her hug gave me warmth and even though she didn't know it, hope. Alice reluctantly released me from her grip and ran to pick her favorite toy spider from beside the TV. I put on a melancholic smile and bit my lip. Jackson had bought her the spider from a local fair. She had named it acks after him. While she usually left it here the bond was clear to see. I looked up at Tracey whose eyes were filled with sadness. She pulled me into her arms as I stood and pat my hair gently. "Call if it gets too much. I do understand." Tracey whispered.

"Okay." I nodded as I pulled back. "We'll be okay, I promise."

Tracey looked over at Daniel and nodded. "Thank you for bringing me up" She murmured. Daniel just nodded. They had met a couple of times before, but had barely said more than hello to each other. "I don' know if I told you, but Daniel is Jackson's cousin, he's staying with me until..." I swallowed the ball of emotion in my throat and bit my lip. "Until everything is sorted."

"I'm glad you're not alone. I'll pick her up on Sunday morning." Tracey smiled and walked over to Alice. Daniel walked until his shoulder was flush with mine. "Relax." He murmured, obviously sensing I was on the verge of losing it again.

Alice waved goodbye to her Mom as she left, but the minute the door was closed she began to bounce around the room like the energizer bunny. I felt a genuine smile come to my face as I listened to her carefree laughter fill the room.

"Amber, Can Jackson sing me a song tonight?" Alice said as she stopped in the middle of the floor. She held acks in her hand squeezing him tight. I wanted to cry, but I knew that I couldn't project my feelings of fear and anguish onto someone so innocent so instead I sat down and pulled her in to my arms.

"Jackson is away." I managed to whisper. "He went on a trip and got a little bit lost."

"Oh. Does he need a map?"

"Yes." I whispered, Jackson needed a whole lot more than a map though.

"Well you and Dan will have to sing to me." She giggled. "Okay?"

I nodded and let her go. Watching her was a salve to my burned out heart, it always had been. She made me feel whole in a way I couldn't understand. She was my blood, I had carried her and given birth to her. Giving her up for adoption had been the hardest thing to do, but it had been the right thing. Although I wondered every now and again how it would have been if I had kept her.

Daniel flopped down on the couch and watched her. "She has never ending energy." He murmured.

"She's a typical almost four year old." I whispered. "But she has an old soul."

I turned to look at Daniel and frowned. "I can't miss anymore classes." I whispered. "When Monday comes I have to go."

"What about the dance company opportunity?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I couldn't do it anymore. Until Jackson was back here I wasn't sure anything would make sense or have any meaning to me anymore. "I can't do it."

"I know."

**

Later that night Daniel made spaghetti for dinner while Alice and I drew pictures. Her parents had explained who I was, so Alice knew she had two families. My parents were her gran and pop, and they always had been. Alice was busy drawing her family when my phone rang. I picked it up and walked away from the breakfast bar leaving Alice and Daniel in the kitchen.