Going To Be

Chapter Sixteen - Sorry - Jackson POV

Daniel walked towards my table. He looked unimpressed, which I had expected. I had run out on Amber with little explanation. I was a moron, in every sense of the word.

"So. Right now, Amber is dancing in the apartment with her dance partner. The one who one hundred percent wants to try more than just dance moves out on her." Daniel sat down and stared into my eyes. I knew he was trying to make me feel jealous, and he was succeeding. I swallowed the lump of emotion in my throat and chewed on my lip.

"Why'd you do it man?" he said.

"She deserves someone less fucked up than me." I replied honestly.

The way she had fallen apart after dancing in the studio at NYAPA had shown me just how affected she had been by my disappearance. I'd seen her in dark places before, but dancing was the one thing she had been able to use as a tool. I'd taken her back to her darkest place. I had taken her back to a place where dancing didn't fix her hurt.

"Did you think that of her when she was messed up Jackson?"

"No."

"So why is it different when you're the messed up one?" He asked, catching me off guard.

"I couldn't fix her then, and she can't fix me now."

"Of course, but is it even about fixing each other. Is that what life is? because I missed the memo on that one." I'd pissed him off, I didn't blame him though, I had pissed myself off.

I stared at him and shrugged. I knew he was right, but I couldn't bring myself to damage Amber's life any further but forcing the broken shards of my life through her perfect heart.

"I prayed for death daniel... and I'm not even religious. I bargained. I wanted to die if it meant she would life a happy life and my pain would end."

Daniel's eyes softened. "Jackson." He whispered.

"I dreamed of her, every. single. night. But even though she was always in my head, I wanted to give up. A few days ago I was ready to die and that feeling... it's not completely gone. I still feel like I'm drowning."

"Do you really think leaving Amber will change any of that?"

"She can go on and live a normal life with a normal guy." I said honestly.

"Like Greg?"

I frowned and felt my teeth grate. I knew he was trying to make a point. because thinking of Amber with her dance partner made me feel sick. In fact thinking of Amber with anyone other than me made me feel sick. His point was made, but that didn't change anything.

"There is something not right about how he acts around her. The way he is always there when something goes wrong. She doesn't see it because Amber likes to see the best in people, but there is a neon sign around the guy that says he's bad news. I almost canceled on you because I knew he was coming over, but when I told Amber you wanted to talk to me she lit up."

I reeled back. He'd told her about meeting with me. I didn't want her knowing that I had asked him here, because this was about putting a salve on the hurt I had. Fat lot of good it was doing though. I felt worse than ever.

"You're letting what happened to you make decisions about your relationship with the love of your life Jackson. You almost lost her once, why are you putting both of you through it again."

I frowned and looked down at my now cold coffee. He had hit the nail on the head without realising it.

"Because it felt like I already lost her Daniel. All that time on the island... alone, I thought I'd never see her again. I lost her... and then you found me and I had to face the real possibility I could lose her again one day and I can't do it." I swallowed back my emotion. "I can't deal with losing her again."

Daniel's eyes widened. So now he knew the unadulterated truth. I had left Amber because the thought of falling into her arms only to lose her again someday was killing me. I was never going to be able to fully give myself to her without the worry I'd have to one day say goodbye.

"I never realised you were so selfish." Daniel said shaking his head. "I mean, sure you were trapped on an island and I understand you almost didn't make it. But you did make it Jackson. Against all odds you survived. You got a second chance and you're throwing it away because you're scared."

It sounded as ridiculous as it was. I was throwing away the second chance that many didn't get. I had left the girl I had been in love with since forever. I had let my experience rule my heart and my mind.

"I fucked up again didn't I."

"Yeah... but I have a strong feeling you'll be forgiven." Daniel replied with a smile.

I stood up and grabbed my things, I wasn't going to waste another minute of the second chance I had been given. I left a tip and ran out of the coffee shop. Daniel wasn't far behind and I saw his car was right outside.

"You drive." I mumbled as I stood by the passengers door.

Once we were in the car i put my seatbelt on. "You can't do this again Jackson. Amber is resilient, but she also has a life to live."

He was right. I had to show her that I wasn't going to hurt her again.

"I know. I'm gonna marry her."

"Really?" Daniel exclaimed.

"Yeah. Really."

"Awesome dude."

I closed my eyes and imagined her, much like I had on the island, but this time my dreams were filled with hope, not hopelessness. I imagined her in front of me, wearing a long white dress, her beautiful smile broad across her face. Her warmth radiated toward me, so clearly that it felt real. I needed to get to her, and now.

We pulled into the carpark complex not long after.

I exited the car before Daniel had even finish parking. I ran for the elevator and pressed the button at least twenty times, as though the incessant pressing would make it come down to the basement faster. It didn't however, and when the doors finally popped open I leapt inside.

Daniel and I didn't speak the entire ride up. I had no words to express how much his honesty meant to me. I owed a lot to him. Despite all the issues we'd had over the years, he really did look out for me and call me out on my obvious mistakes.

Finally we made it to our floor. I didn't have my key and I was about to knock when Daniel pulled out his key and unlocked the door.

I wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted me. I wasn't prepared for the sickness that rocked through me. Greg was on the ground, beneath Amber who had his arms up over his head. I didn't look long enough to notice if they were clothed, because the image had burned my eyes beyond repair. I looked away and ran from the room. I heard Amber call after me, but I didn't stop.

I had let her go, and she had moved on.  

A/N - heya, yes an update and its only been two days... GASP. Safe to say I think I'm back in the habit hehehe. I've got a job, but its a night job so I have the days to write. Yay :P

Song for this chapter is a cover of Justin Bieber's Sorry. I don't much like pop music, but I like rock so I hunted out a cover haha. Perfect for this chapter because Jackson is an idiot and he's sorry lol.

So am I. I will be updating the next chapter in a few minutes, because leaving you on this cliff hanger might make you hate me :P

Love yas.