Little Do You Know: Jaspar (boyxboy)

2.3 » Feeling All Alone

Joe's POV

itsy bitsy trigger warning

After a few days, Caspar's hangover went away. He stayed in his room or on our couch during those few days. I never told him I had another bad dream, because he doesn't care. He's making a YouTube video with Alice right now, explaining how she is his official girlfriend. Yup, official girlfriend.

She didn't even make sure he was okay while he was going through his hangover/cold/concussion. All the videos and vlogs that were filmed in Inverness are all uploaded. Fans can't get enough of Jaspar. All their dreams and hopes will be crushed when Caspar uploads his video today.

"Bye Alice," I hear Caspar say and a door close. I open my door, and walk up the stairs. I see Caspar sitting at his office, editing a video. I take my vlogging camera and try to make sure the fans have a vlog filmed by tomorrow.

"We have Caspar, editing," I say, pointing the camera at Caspar. He waves, and goes back to editing. I face it back to me. "You guys are in for a treat today."

My phone buzzes and I stop vlogging. It's Zoe.

Zoe: who tf is this Alice chick?

Joe: idk :(

Zoe: they aren't gonna last

I smile and start walking to my room. I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Caspar the Slut. That's always been his stereotype. Does he think it's cool to be a slut? I love him, I truly do. That's what sucks; my feelings about him are growing and he decides to date a random girl he met at the club.

Tears start forming in my eyes. I try to blink the tears away, but it doesn't work. They start rolling down my cheek. This time, Caspar isn't here to wipe them. Nobody is. Caspar has barely been in my life these past days.

I start thinking about cutting myself. How all my emotional pain could be gone with a slice. How good I could feel after its all done.

But what about the consequences? Self-harm doesn't benefit anyone in the long run. It will cause people to think I'm a freak. People will worry about it. I could be forced into a hospital. I can't have that happen. I decide to not cut. Not today, at least.

-

"Joe! I'm going out with Alice!" Caspar tells me as I make myself a pre dinner snack. I nod, as see him walk out of the apartment.

He has barely spent 7 hours with me in the last few days. That shows how much he cares about me.

It shows how useless I am. How I don't matter to anyone.

I start hyperventilating in the kitchen. All I wanted to do was to make me and Caspar sandwiches. But Caspar left, and I feel lost without him. A few weeks ago, I felt like I was his everything. Now, I know I mean nothing to him.

Absolutely nothing.

I stumble off the seat that's close to the counter. I try to walk towards the stairs, but I lean on the wall to help me keep my balance.

My vision starts darkening at the edges. I have to make it to my room. That's where I want to go. I head for the stairs. I see the beginning of the steps. I take one step on the hardwood staircase, and I feel myself go flying.

Caspar's POV

Instead of going to Alice's house, I head for Oli's apartment. I've been the worst friend ever. I kissed Joe, the day we left for Inverness. That's probably messing with him. I just need to drink with someone that's not Alice right now.

"Hey, buddy!" Oli says when I arrive at his flat. I smile and sit on his couch.

"I don't want to talk about anything right now, I just want to drink," I tell him. He smiles, and gets me a drink.

I let the alcohol take me away. Drink after drink, I start feeling better about myself.

"I mean, I'm hot shit, right?" I slur and start laughing. "Who wouldn't want to fuck me? I'm perfect."

"That's the last drink for you, Casp," Oli says and snatches my glass out of my hand. I try to stop him, but I'm a wreck. I'm definitely illegally drunk right now.

"I'm crashing here tonight," I say and lay my head down on the pillow. Oli just nods. I treat Oli like shit and he just goes with it. Damn, I'm a savage.

"I'll be right back! Shit man," I hear Oli say frantically. What's up with him? What's so important that he leaves my drunk self alone?

"Bye, douchebag," I mutter and close my eyes

a/n my writing sucks ass whoops. short chapter sorry. i give up on being a good writer. vote?? AND THIS STORY REACHED 10K READS WTF OMG ILY ALL