Little Do You Know: Jaspar (boyxboy)

2.0 » Short-Term Memory Loss

Caspar's POV

Next morning, Joe came into my room at 7 am with breakfast on a tray. Pancakes, bacon, orange juice and a chocolate chip cookie. I swear, everyday I fall in love with Joe Sugg over and over again.

"Thanks, Joe," I say, smiling at him. He smiles back and turns to walk out of my room before I stop him.

"You aren't going to lay with me?" I ask him after I throw a pillow at him. He smiles and crawls into my bed with me.

"Casp, do you remember anything last night when we left Inverness?" he asks me while we binge watch American Horror Story on my laptop. I knew he was going to ask that. I mean, why wouldn't he? I freaking kissed him!

"Hm... no not really. I remember us cuddling on the couch then I remember falling asleep in the car ride back to London. Why?" I ask him. I know he's going to think he's crazy, but it's the only way. I feel horrible about kissing him because it made everything so confusing now.

"Oh. No reason, I was- uh, testing your memory. Making sure you still have some brain in your head," Joe says to me, smiling. I scoff and punch him in the arm. He giggles and gets out of bed.

"I have a meeting in like... ten minutes. I invited Oli over so he can make sure you don't burn the house down. Get some rest, alright?" Joe tells me. I nod and Joe walks out of my room.

I'm a fucking mess.

-

"Can we film a collab for my gaming channel today?" Oli asks me as we are editing vlogs for our second channels. I sigh, then nod. I close my laptop screen and help him set up the camera and make sure we'll both be in the shot.

"What are we filming, exactly?" I ask Oli as we set up the microphone. Being a Youtuber, forgetting to plug in the microphone is the biggest mistake you can make. It's also the most frustrating.

"Can we play FIFA?" he asks me with puppy dog eyes. I smile and nod.

"Thank bro," he says and pats my back. When is Joe going to be home? I miss him. I know that probably sounds really bad because Oli is right next to me, but it's true.

It felt good to just play FIFA with Oli. We acted like we were the best FIFA players in the world. We screamed and cheered. We were just chilling like two 20 year old boys. And it felt good to be a regular person, not a "celebrity" with drama.

After I kick Oli's ass at FIFA, we both get hungry. Sports is tiring, even if it's just virtual.

"Joe just texted me saying he's almost done his meeting. Should I ask him to get us Nandos?" he asks me. I nod, and try not to overthink this. Oops, too late.

Why didn't Joe text me? He's probably overthinking the whole kiss. I should have never kissed him yesterday. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking, like usual. I'm such an idiot.

To be fair, he did kiss me back.

"Dude, are you okay?" Oli asks me as he sits next to me on the couch. I nod and finish editing my vlog. After a few minutes of pretending to be okay, I break down. I slam my laptop screen and put it on the table in front of me. My vision gets blurry from my tears. My throat is tight and I can barely speak.

"Casp, come here," Oli says with his arms open. I fall into his arms and start crying. He holds me tightly and I let myself break down.

"I k-k-kissed Joe right before we left Inverness. Then he c-c-confronted me about it a-a-and I lied. I feel horrible about it and I think I fucked up our friendship and now I don't know what to do," I sob into Oli's shirt. I start taking deep breathes, trying to calm myself down. I hear the front door open, and it makes me cry even harder. Joe is home and he has to deal with my crap, like usual. He doesn't deserve this.

"Caspar! Are you okay?" I hear a bag drop on the floor and footsteps rush over to me. I feel his hand on my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say, wiping my eyes and lifting my head off of Oli's chest. His t-shirt is damp from my tears. I look over at Joe, who has worry written all over his face.

"He was editing a video and then I look over and see tears flowing out of his eyes. Something in the video could have triggered a memory or just made him feel so sad. I have never seen him like that before," Oli says to Joe. I lean my head on Joe's shoulder, and Joe's arms wrap around my body. I want to cry, but at the same time I don't. I need to be strong. I can't break down every time I do something stupid.

"Can you leave us alone for tonight? I'm sorry, Oli. Me and Casp just need to deal with this," Joe says to Oli. I hear in his voice that he feels bad for kicking Oli out, especially when Joe bought food for him.

"I completely understand. I'll text you tomorrow, see how you're feeling. Love you guys," Oli says and he leaves our apartment.

"Casp, what's wrong?" Joe asks me in his serious tone. I look up at him, then down at my feet. I can't respond to his question without telling him I remember the kiss.

"Sometimes, I get depressed. I told you this before. It's like bipolar or something. It's not that bad Joe. I can handle it," I say, not making eye contact with Joe. If he sees my eyes, he'll know I'm keeping something from him.

"Okay. But Casp, if this gets out of hand I want you to see a therapist or something. Alright?" Joe asks me, sliding his hand into mine. I nod and smile. I don't know what I'd do without Joe.

a/n short chappies are the best :))) sorry if this chapter is all over the place :/ I have so many stories in my drafts ans in excited about a lot of them. your in for a treat with this fanfic. things take an unexpected turn. love you all x