Little Do You Know: Jaspar (boyxboy)

1.3 » Caspar's Break Down

Caspar's POV

(trigger warning kind of)

When I woke up, I felt depressed. Ever since I was about twelve, I would get depressed at random moments. Some bad, some worse. This one is worse.

"I'm not feeling too well. I'm going to go lay down for a little bit," I announce to the group.

"Okay," Joe replies to me. When I get into me and Joe's shared room, I fall onto the bed and cry. I turn on my back and lean up the back of the bed. I take a pillow and hug it tightly to my chest.

I don't understand why this happens. Me and Joe had such a good night last night. Our adventure was fun. Why now? I'm enjoying life at the moment.

I get up from the bed and sit down of the floor, still clutching the pillow. I take my phone out and start looking on Twitter. The Jaspar fandom is flipping out. I look at all the pictures me and Joe took together throughout the last four to five days.

I end up bawling even harder and throwing my phone across the room. All of a sudden I think about something "the girl" said. The girl Joe and Zoe told me not to listen. The girl that hates me. The girl that started the "I Hate Caspar Lee" YouTube channel.

"Why would Joe ever love you Caspar? He'll be better off if you just moved out. Better yet, if you killed yourself.'"

She's right about one thing: Joe would never love me.

"Caspar? Are you okay?" I hear Joe's voice on the other side of the door. I just bring my pillow closer to my chest and try to burry my face into it.

"Casp?" he says, rattling the doorknob. I don't know why I'm ignoring him. He usually makes me feel better.

"Zoe, give me one of your bobby pins," I hear Joe say as he continues to rattle the doorknob.

I get up quietly and move to the corner of the room. I set the pillow back on the bed first. I bring my knees to my chest and try to forget everything "the girl" said about me. But I can't. It's engraved in my memory.

"Caspar?!" Joe yells out into the room after I hear the door swing open. When his eyes land on me, he rushes over to me.

"Come here," he says and opens his arms. I place my head right below his shoulder and cry. One of his hands are on my head and the other is on my back.

"I'm here. I'm here, Caspar. It's okay. I'm here," Joe repeats. I wrap my arms around his torso.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly as I cry.

"Joe did you ge- Oh my gosh! Caspy!" Zoe says and runs over to me and Joe.

I take my head off of Joe to look at Zoe. I bet my cheeks and stained from my tears. I honestly don't care. Me and Joe have broken down a lot recently.

"I'm sorry," I say again, louder this time. I let my head fall down as I fiddle with my fingers.

"Sorry for what?" Zoe asks me.

"Existing." I hear Zoe gasp at my response. Joe pulls me closer to him. My back falls on his chest, his arms wrapped around me.

"Casp..." Zoe starts but burst out in tears.

"Caspy, don't apologize. I'm so glad and thankful that you are in my life. Please don't leave me," Joe says in my ear. I smile and look up at him. I don't even think before laying a kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks. It's just, I can't sometimes. I get so depressed and I don't know what to do. I usually lock myself in my room and cry until I feel better. One time I threw a picture in a frame at my wall and it shattered and then I felt even worse," I confess to the Sugg's. I know they're going to ask a lot of questions.

"This has happened before?" Joe asks me with tears in his eyes.

"Ever since grade 5," I say, relaxing in Joe's arms. I didn't realize how stiff I was.

"Caspy, it's okay. How are you feeling right now?" Joe asks me. His voice cracked on the "ee" in "Caspy". I see a single tear fall out of his eye.

I take my finger and wipe the tear off of his face.

"So much better, because of you and Zoe," I say.

"Caspar, get up. We are going to Starbucks and you are going to feel better," Joe says, lifting me up. For his size, Joe is pretty strong.

"Thanks, Joe," I say and wrap my arms around his neck. He laughs and places his hands on my lower back. Once we stop hugging, Joe gets out his phone and calls an Uber.

-

After me and Joe get our Starbucks, he took me to a park. It was a really cute place to be. There were gorgeous flowers. There wasn't a lot of trash lying around. He guided me to an empty bench. Joe opened his mouth to say something, but a young girl came up to us. She's probably about 14 or 13.

"Hi! Can I take a picture with you guys!?" she asks excitedly. Subscriber. I love our fans to death.

"Of course," I say and help Joe up. She gets in position to take the selfie. When she hugs us goodbye, I notice something on her arm.

"Hey, can you take a picture with me, like full body? Joe will take it," I ask her. I flash Joe a 'I'll explain later' face. Joe nods and takes my phone.

"Really?" she asks excitedly. I smile at her. She looks so happy right now.

"Yeah. I want to post it on Instagtam," I say, giving Joe a 'don't you dare take it in square' face. I have given Joe this face quite a lot because I don't like my photos taken in square. I like to crop them how I want.

"Okay!"

I stand next to her and smile. I get her Instagram user and then she walks away.

"What wa-" Joe starts but I cut him off by snatching my phone out of his hand.

"Look, Suggy," I say and zoom in on her arm in the picture. There, you can see cuts on her wrist.

"Oh my god."

"I know. I hope we made her feel better," I say. I crop her arm out of the picture and post it with the caption: met this lovely girl today! you guys make me so happy❤️

I really hope I made her day.

a/n heyyyyyooooooo! weird chapter. I'm working on other stories right now so idk how often i'll update. thanks for 1.6k reads!! i didn't think this would get more then 10 reads. you guys are the best!'