Vietnam War.

Why Can't Love be Simple?

Louis POV

"You need to come see him Jay.  Weather you like his sexuality or not he is still your son and I know you well enough to know for a fact you still love him" I hear Anne say over the phone.  'Shit my mum is going to come down here and she is going to report me' I think to myself shaking with fear.  My eyes shoot open and I'm met with Harry quietly puffing out breaths of air.  I smile looking over his face almost forgetting the fact I need to leave before my mum gets here.  "Just give him a chance Jay he's your son, your oldest son.  He hasn't even met his younger siblings yet because of you.  Do you think that's right?  Because it's not.  No matter what he was made by you and you will always love him no matter what you tell yourself and how you think you may feel so get your whiny ass off your kitchen stool grab your keys go to your car and drive to my house".  I start silently crying while I slowly pull my arm out from underneath Harry's neck, hoping I don't wake him up.  "Lou" Harry says furrowing his eyebrows "where are you going?"  I hold back my tears "I have to wee love".  Harry nods slowing, rolling over and falling back to sleep.  I sigh in relief and look for my clothes.  Once I pull them on I grab a paper and pencil from Harry's desk.  'Harry, your mum called mine this morning and she's on her way to your house right now.  I can't face her Haz, she hates me so much and I'm scared she'll report us and we'll be found.  I want to be with you forever Harry but I also want you to have a good life.  The only way for you to get out of this okay is if I run away.  You'll be safe from being in association with me and that's all that matters to me.  If anything ever happened to you because of me I'd die Harry.  You'll always be everything to me and that's why I'm leaving you my childhood ring.  I know it's not a normal engagement ring but we're not a normal engagement.  We're better than a normal engagement.  We're Larry.'  I wipe the tears from my eyes as I pull my ring off of my right thumb.  I got this ring from my dad before he left my mum.  He put it on my nightstand the night he left and when I awoke that morning I found it laying on top of a note.  I guess it's similar to how I'm having to leave Harry.  The ring isn't even that expensive it's just a metal band with the word 'peace' even graved into the middle but at least it's something.  Maybe if Harry and I meet again I can tell him the story behind why it says peace, but until then I have to leave.  I wipe my eyes one last time before looking back at Harry for what seems like ten minutes.  "Goodbye my love" I whisper as I open the door softly and close it behind me.  I listen for Anne but I don't hear here so the coast must be clear.  I sigh one last time before tip toeing my way down the stairs and to the front door.  

I've been walking for what seems like twelve hours but really it's only been about two.  At this point I'm pretty sure I've gone in five giant circles.  I sigh and sitting down with my back against a chilly brick wall.  I try to pull my shirt over my face to keep warm but the thin fabric doesn't keep out the harsh winds.  At least in England I am safe from the American army.  However, I will never be safe from my own mum.  Tears start to slowly fall down my cheeks as I think about Harry.  I miss him already and I haven't even been gone that long.  "Louis" I hear someone call in the distance and my head immediately shoots up.  I look around to see Harry frantically searching through the town.  I smile to myself because this proves Harry loves me too.  However, I see a smaller women walking behind him and my smile instantly drops.  My mum. 

I turn and run down the street in the opposite direction of Harry and my mum.  "Louis stop" I hear Harry's voice yell after me.  I know I'm faster than Harry, I know I can out run him but something in me doesn't want me to.  However, I have to fight off this feeling and keep running harder.  I may love Harry but, this is bigger than just him.  I need to get away, and even so it's killing me to do so.

After running for what seems like hours I come to a stop and try to catch my breath.  My face is chapped from crying and the cold wind hitting the wetness.  It is dark now and I'm all alone.  At least the lighting matches how I feel on the inside.  There's not a house or building in sight, I have no idea how I got here or even where to go.  I start to think about my lovely fiance again.  

FLASHBACK

"It's Louis, Louis Tomlinson" I say extending my hand to the beautiful curly haired lad.  Harry gladly grabs my hand in return and shakes it.  His hands are a bit warm and I think to myself what they'd feel like in other places.  I quickly shake off that thought, not wanting to make Harry uncomfortable if I got a little too excited.  When we finally release hands I begin to strip down to my boxers to be comfortable enough to sleep.  Once I manage to get them all off I turn back to the lovely boy and see his cheeks are slightly red.  The fact he's blushing over me being half naked fills my body with chills.  I smile and move my head closer to Harry.  I decide against kissing him this time but I do manage to tuck him in.  "Why are you treating me so nicely" he asks clearly nervous about how I'm going to answer.  However, I can't answer him so I just look back at him with a dumb look on my face.  As I turn around to make my bed on the floor I think more and more about Harry's lips on mine and the feeling becomes unbearable.  Once I take a seat on my newly made bed I see Harry once again blush.  I can't fight this feeling anymore.  I move into Harry and take his lips into mine.  His lips taste of strawberries and are warmer than a summer day.  All of the passion and love I've been holding in for anyone all of these years finally comes out in this one kiss.  Harry may not know what this kiss means to me, but it is everything.  After so many years of denying myself as gay I finally give myself to a lovely man.

END FLASHBACK          

I cry as I think about what I have lost.  I lost the one man who made me face the reality of me.  He showed me who I really was and now he's gone.  I feel so alone, maybe it's because I truly am alone, or maybe it's because without him I am nothing.  Either way I know I can't go back and that's what hurts the most.  He made my life whole an know I can no longer be with him.  I am empty.  I am pathetic.  I am worthless.  I curl into a bawl and begin rocking back and forth trying to shake off the memories of him.  I have to forget so I can be sane once again.  If only my damn mum would have just accepted me I would have had a home when I was younger and I wouldn't have to be running from the one man who actually makes me happy.  Just as I begin to think nothing could get any worse, the world decides to send pouring rain down onto me.  However, I can't get up and find shelter.  I can't even move to try and stay warmer.  Harry was my fuel, he was what kept me going and now I have nothing so I don't even matter to myself.  Why do I need to keep myself healthy when the one person who wants me can't have me?  The only point to me was him and now I have no point, no purpose.  My eyes slowly begin to close as I continue crying and shivering as I feel the rain seeping into my clothes touching my skin.  Harry's face becomes clearer the more my eyelids fall. 

"Louis come downstairs already dinner is going to get cold" I hear my husband yell for me.  I smile "coming Harry I was just finishing my last paper for work".  The house smells of delicious food and I can't wait to eat it with a beautiful man.  I finally reach the kitchen, but when I look around no one is there.  "Harry" I call out "where did you go"  The house no longer smells like food.  In fact, I think it got darker as well.  I walk into our living room and find Harry sitting on the couch.  "Hey love, where's dinner" I ask sweetly kissing the top of his head.  I hear Harry snort "can't you make it your damn self I want some time alone".  I'm taking aback by his harsh tone "Harry, you know I can't cook you've even banned me from the kitchen".  "Do I need to hold your fucking hand through everything.  You're a grown man I'm pretty sure you can handle doing things yourself" Harry yells still not meeting my eyes.  Tears begin to form in my eyes "Harry I've been working all day and I'm tired at least help me make some dinner.  We can do it together and we'll have fun".  Harry finally rises from the couch "no Louis, you never make me happy.  All you do is need me constantly and I'm tired of it.  I feel like I'm suffocating, everything has been going on in my family right now and I don't need this shit you like to pull".  I look down to the floor not wanting to look at him anymore "you can't blame me for what your family does Haz, and I'm sorry for needing you all the time.  I thought that was what we were supposed to do.  Rely on each other for different thing.  I'll just go get my things and get out of your hair".  Harry sits back down on the couch "doesn't matter anyways Lou, you'll come back.  You always do".

I jolt awake, I'm not even sure why I had a nightmare like that about Harry, he's not even what I'm running from.  The sun has now come out but my clothes are still soaking wet and I'm still in the middle of no where.  I have no food, no water, no new clothes and no Harry.  I think I am going to die alone out here.