A Letter To Your Sibling
Dear Aadit
I'm an only child and so are you but I consider you as my real brother even if we're just first cousins.
And as a result, I'm going to address this letter to you.
I hope that's okay with you.
I used to wonder sometimes if I will die thinking that my family didn't love me. My biological one that is, my actual family (consisting of my friends and my books and movies) loves me, I know.
And it used to be the reason I cried myself to sleep for the longest time. Days and months would go by before I'd find something new to cry about.
I always tend to be the biggest exaggerator of things that happen to me.
If it's cold, I'll say, "It's like the freaking Arctic."
And this nature applies to everything I do. I exaggerate and that's partially the reason I want to become a screenwriter.
So I think I might have exaggerated the whole 'my family hates me situation.'
I had to hate someone for this. I had to hate someone for being the reason my family didn't care much about me and so I hated you.
I hated you with a burning passion, Di.
You always took home the limelight in front of all our relatives and I'd just be standing there being plain old Navi.
I didn't want to be plain old Navi, I wanted to be the one who made everyone laugh and I wanted to be the one everyone gave an approving nod to.
I wanted to be you.
And my incapability just added fuel to my hatred.
Then one day I completely snapped. I said something to you that didn't mean much in my world but in front of our family, it was kind of like a voodoo word.
Well anyway, after that we didn't talk for a while. A few months actually and I remember you had to be forced to wish me happy birthday that year.
I guess you started to hate me. I think you still somehow do but let me tell you something shocking,
I Love You.
You're my brother. I wish we were closer than we are and I wish that you'd confide in me about all that is that troubles you.
Did I ever tell you how jealous I am of you? How much I wish I was you? Because I am. So freaking jealous.
Not just with the fact that everyone in our family seems to like you better than me. No, that's not it.
I'm jealous of you because I see something in you that I haven't seen in anyone else that I've known.
I don't quite know what it is but it's something that sets you apart from everyone else in this monotonous world.
As I little girl, I had wanted to always be a better person, someone who didn't care much about the frivolous things in life. I hate to say that I'm yet to become that person.
But you...
You're already on your way to become the person you wanted to be, the person I wanted to be and that's why I'm jealous of you.
Over the years though, this jealousy has taken shape of love and admiration. Not to say that the jealousy is gone but it's less of a hatred now.
I feel that you're so badly misunderstood in this world and I think you hide behind the façades of your smiles and your music to hide the real you.
You don't have to hide, you know? You really don't.
If you're afraid of something, I want you to know that it's okay.
It's okay if you are. The world may force you to become fearless but you don't have to be. Maybe it's just something I tell myself but I've started to believe in it.
If you ever feel like there's something you want to share with someone but you can't find the right person, I want you to know I'm just a phone call away.
You may not trust me or love me or even like me for that matter but I hope someday in the future you will.
You're older than me (by only ten months but whatever) yet I want you to know that if you want to share something with someone, your little sister is here for you.
At times, I wish you'd not hate me. I wish you'd realise that I need you. I need your outlook on life and I need your humour to survive.
I hope you can offer it to me. Your hope and humour.
And if I'm not there to see you become a world famous rockstar then let me tell you this beforehand. I am mighty proud of you.
From the shadows I'm going to be telling the world, "You see that beautiful person there? That's my brother."
I love you so much, Aadi. More than you'll know and I hope you read this letter.
I hope that after I'm gone, after I become a distant memory, you'll find this letter, filled with dust and read it if only to remember me.
If only to remember how much you tortured me when we were kids.
If only to remember how much I admire you.
If only to remember that there was someone who wanted to be there for you.
I do hope you someday stop hating me.
I do hope someday you'll give me a chance to be there for you.
I do hope someday we can actually be like brother and sister.
Your little sister (not that little though),
Navi
