A letter to the person who pesters you in your head
Dear Prachi (poker_face1617 )
You know that this letter is for you and there's no other person who I could've written this for. I've decided I'm going to give you the top five reasons why you're the person who pesters me in my head.
1. You're the most blunt person I have ever known. I used to pride myself on being the most straightforward person I knew but you took my spot away.
2. You live in this fantasy world with hot alpha males and heart shattering love stories which somehow makes you similar to me. We want to believe in the profound effect of love and we want to believe that it does exist in this world. That's the one and only thing we have in common.
3. You don't take any bullshit. It's admirable and envious at the same time just because there are moments when I wish I could stand up for myself. I sometimes think I owe myself that much.
4. Ankita always says to me that I'm a damn 65 year old divorced dog lady from the way I behave but you're even older than I am. If I'm 65, then you're definitely not less than 100 years old because of the kind of sage advice you give out like freebies at a party.
5. You don't let yourself get too attached to things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I get attached to everything and anything that pays the slightest of attention to me and I hope to God I had some sort of a switch off mode regarding that.
Whenever I'm dealt a shitty card in life and I have no clue what I'm going to do, I start to think "What would Prachi do if she was dealt such a hand?"
Prachi would probably kick the person who gave her the hand in the damn nuts but what would be the non-violent thing that Prachi would do.
You don't seem to realise how much I hate it that it's your voice in my head rather than my own which is telling me things that I need to do or things that I can do.
I hate it but it's okay, you know?
You have this uncanny ability to make me believe that someday in this world things will get better and that I will be worth something.
Even if after a while I seem to think it's all just bullshit, your pep talk doesn't seem to leave my head.
In my favourite movie, Whiplash, a young drummer called Andrew (played by the love of my life aka Miles Teller) is pushed to the complete brink of excellence by his abusive teacher.
Now I'm not going to say you're that abusive teacher but you are the person that sometimes forces me to do my absolute best.
Yours is the voice so deep embedded in the contours of my head that it's inevitably the reason I end up doing well.
When I had that Extempore competition, I was scared.
Scared bloody shitless.
Standing in front of the podium was the scariest thing that I had to face in my school life.
My mouth was dry and my tongue was stuck like sandpaper. The words that usually spew out of my mouth were stuck inside my voice box.
My feet were feeling gelatinous and I thought it would be better if I ran and hid in some far and remote corner of the world.
But then I saw you sitting in the crowd with N. I saw the kind of stern motherly look on your face and I asked myself,
"What would Prachi do?"
She wouldn't runaway and hide like a coward.
She'd have a little meltdown inside her head and put a poker face on in front of the others and completely smash it out of the ballpark.
I tried my best though I couldn't completely smash it and that day so many people came up to me to congratulate me on my win (it was just third prize but eh) but all I wanted to say was don't congratulate me, congratulate Prachi. But of course I didn't say that, since I wanted to take all the praises and love.
Before you, the voice inside my head used to belong to my father, more specifically the phrase, "You're a piece of shit."
But now it's your voice in my head that says, "You go, girl."
I sometimes wish that you could give your own self some of the confidence that you've given me.
I wish that you'd have much more faith in yourself than you do right now.
But anyways, your voice is like a broken record player in my head, so thank you for that.
No really, thank you so much Prachi.
No sarcasm, I swear.
Love
Navi
