I knew this day would come. I knew this would happen sooner. I prepared and brazed myself for this kind of confrontation not-too-long ago but somehow no matter how much I prepared.
No matter how much I had that planned script I had at the back of my head, I will never be tough enough to finally face this
“I’m sorry” That was all it took to shatter all my defenses. I looked up and I found myself staring back at those same almond eyes years ago.
I found myself drowning in a pool of emotion—so much had happened I couldn’t even fathom and elaborate what I feel as of the moment. It was just too much to handle
Years ago, I would’ve dream about this moment. To finally have the closure I have been waiting for so long and to finally have the answer to the questions I’ve been dying to know.
My lips were quivering but I fought back so hard to hide the emotions of defeat behind me-- I have to. “Did you ever love me, Jose?”
There it goes again that all-too-familiar heart-shattering silence that once enveloped the entire space between us not-so-long-ago. It was agonizing. I feel my toes curling for the anticipated answer
Did he really love me back then or was I just another whore he wanted his d*ck to burry?
“I did.” He said still holding my gaze with his. His stare was so much I couldn’t bare—the raw emotions were there as I stared back on to his eyes and surprisingly, I found myself believing in him
“So many memories. So many things left unsaid. So many things I wished I could’ve done.” His eyes never left mine as he advanced to my direction—one step at a time—as each word buried deep in my heart.
He reached out for my hand to hold it gently as if treasuring each moments “It doesn't mean that I love you less when I decided to let you go.. back then"
He looked down on our now entwined hands but his thumb made that little tiny circles that I felt like he was stroking my heart “I just loved you too much that I wanted you to be happy—even if it meant to be with someone else’s arms” He brought my hand to his lips all too gently this time.
“Did you regret us, Jose?” I said thankfully that I didn’t stutter or broke down and cry. Maybe I was just too numb to feel the need to do such. I watch as various emotions shook up my already-battered heart this time.
“No.” He began bringing up his eyes right through me “If there’s something I would regret, Meg.. It would be the fact that I met you too late and if there’s something I would be sorry and be shameful for .. is the fact that I used you”
“Used me!?” I frowned at the notion—quickly stepping back and bringing up the space we needed far from each other as I held back my hand. I shook my head “So you did use me huh?”
“Meg, you were too young and vulnerable back then.” He tried to hold both of my shoulders and gain my calm. Just a minute ago, I was willing to listen but it’s just too much to bare to think that he, of all people, used me.
“Listen, Meg!” He grabbed both of my shoulders as his other hand made its way to my chin so I could looked up on to his eyes once again. “I should’ve known better not to use your situation to my advantage. You were broken and needed a shoulder to cry on and I was too willing to lend you mine. I’m sorry”
“But I loved you!”
All too sudden, a smile broke on his lips but it wasn’t the typical smile that would brighten up my day like it used to. It wasn’t the smile I’ve known him for. I would’ve been convinced enough if it wasn’t for his eyes—too sullen and sad— “No, Meg. That’s just what you thought”
I frowned at him “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t love me, Meg. You’re just in love with the thought of it.”
I’ve searched on his eyes for any signs of humor he put there but there was none. I let out a bitter laughter this time—echoing the entire lift “And now you’re the expert for what I felt, Jose?”
“You were young, Meg. Naïve, broken and alone. You thought you were in love just as the same way as I did to you because I gave you the things you were deprived of.”
I scoffed at the things he just said to me and rolled my eyes “So this is all about money then huh?” I threw my hands in the air “You think I was a gold-digg---”
“No, Meg! You thought you were in love because I was the first one to finally care and heal you.” He slowly brought his hands to my cheek as he wiped the tears I didn’t know I had. His touch was gentle and somehow brought my nerves to calm—just like he always did before “I gave you that attention you needed and you thought it was love”
He felt him sighed as he leaned his forehead to mind before he stepped back and stared at me once again “You might not admit it, Meg but I knew it all along”
I froze as if he finally hit a bull’s eyes right through me. This was the Jose I knew. He could stir up so many emotions inside my heart and soul and yet I found myself all-too-willingly admit and agree to the things I never knew I would agreed on and this is what I hate about him
I bit my lip and I found myself clenching with the thought but silently, at the back of my head, I knew he was right. It hurts to admit that maybe I wasn’t really the one vulnerable and weak—It was Jose all along
“I’m sorry” I managed to squeak out from my lips. It came too soft but he knew I meant what I said
When I looked up I saw Jose smiling. This time it was a genuine and an honest smile I didn’t know I’ve missed and suddenly, I found my self smiling back at him
“And Thank you” I said which made him quirked up a brow in curiosity “For loving me” I began “for hurting me and for teaching me how to let go of someone that wasn't right for me.”
He held my face—stared straight to my soul and was gazing intently as if memorizing every detail on my face and when he leaned close to me; I thought he was going to drop a kiss on my lips
I found myself closing my eyes and waited for that familiar warmth to finally embrace me but it didn’t come. Instead, he dropped a kiss on my forehead and said
“I promise you this, Meg. No matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any of them. —even if it’s my own son”
Time stood still when he said that. I froze and slowly tried my best to look up in his eyes but I couldn’t. I remain stoned as I was looking down on my toes.
He raised my chin to him and I found him smiling yet again. I gulped “You knew?”
But before he could even answer my question, the familiar sound of the lift brought us back to the ground.
And instead of answering my question, he just went on his way out of the elevator and bid me goodbye
The last thing I saw before the lift completely closed was his smile as he said “Take care”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had started off like any normal day.
I slept a hard dreamless sleep and woke up to the annoying buzz of my alarm clock. With a groan, I rolled to my side and smacked the stupid thing silly until it stopped yelling at me.
BINABASA MO ANG
When Bad Girls Fall In Love
General Fiction"Every tough facade is just a cover up for a vulnerable point that one doesn't want to be painfully exposed" Underneath that tough girl bravado was just a girl who needed someone to believe in her. She had been immensely busy trying to transform her...
