Xavier limply placed his hand over my waist, and drawled me closer to him. I sighed, and leaned my back against him. Xavier smiled against my neck, and started to kiss my 'purr spot' a bit. I bit my lip, but I still wasn't happy.
"Baby," Xavier whispered against my neck. I knew what he wanted to do, but I just wasn't in the mood. I was probably going to go along with it though. Xavier softly bit down on my neck, and started to rub up my waist.
I did look back at him though, and I wouldn't moan for him. I kept looking around the room. Xavier and his little sister, Brandi, moved into our home with us, and he was sleeping in my room now. I didn't mind having to share a bed with him, but I didn't feel right about doing that tonight. And it wasn't like Juliet and Dad didn't know that we do it, I've gotten the talk before, that's why we can share a bed.
Xavier bit down again, and I had to let out a little happy sigh, "Xavier, stop it," I started, "I'm trying to sleep."
"But I don't want to sleep," He placed light kisses up and down my throat, and his hand started to trail up my shirt a bit. "Please, Ivy?"
I sighed, and shook my head. "I don't want to, Xavier, I'm tired, and I want to go to sleep. And besides," I glanced at my alarm clock, "Andy's probably still up."
"It doesn't matter," He whined softly in my ear, before kissing my cheek, then my lips, "We can be quiet. He won't hear a thing."
"I said no, Xavier." I stated, and finally turned around to look him in the eye. His green ones shown in the little amount of light that we had from the slightly parted curtains. "And I mean it."
It was his turn to sigh. Xavier took back his hand, and turned on his side, away from me. "Whatever," I heard him mumble, and I knew that he was hurt but I just wasn't feeling sexy tonight. Or maybe it was that I didn't want him to see the new cuts and burns on my hips. I was also half thanking my lucky stars that Xavier hadn't felt anything earlier.
I slid over to the other side of the bed, and wrapped my arms tightly around myself. I closed my eyes, and let out a huge breath. Now, he couldn't feel anything even if he tried.
After sitting like that for a couple of minutes, Xavier finally broke the awkward silence, "Ivy?... What's wrong? What did I do?"
Nothing.
That's exactly what he did.
Nothing what so ever.
I sniffled a bit, and shook my head, "Nothing, Xavier. Nothing. I'm just tired, today was a long day, and I just want to go to bed. Okay?" My voice broke at the end of the sentence, and Xavier just wouldn't drop it.
"Ivy, you and I both don't believe in that bullshit. What's wrong? Now." I sat up, and turned on the lamp that was next to my bed. I turned and looked at him, tears collecting in my eyes again. Xavier sat up as well. His chest seemed even paler in the yellow lighting, his dark hair covered his green eyes, but I knew that he was looking me in the eye.
"Everything, Xavier, everything. You're going to Chicago, probably, I'm going to be here, your parents, little Andy's not needing me as much anymore, and-and-" I couldn't even finish my sentence.
"And Riot's birthday's next week. I know that, babe. I know that you miss her, even though you haven't seen her in years." I nodded, and Xavier brought me to his chest. I didn't let the tears fall though,"Please don't get at me for saying this, but you have to hear it... She left, Ivy. She's not coming back, and you've been fine without her. Why let her get to you now? After so long? I think that you are better without her, really. She was babying you so much, from what you have told me, but she did love you.
"It was her choice to leave her daughter behind, and to be selfish like that. Her choice. And if she wants to keep on making you have to deal with this problem like--like this," He exclaimed with his arm raised, " then fuck her. Just fuck her. She left, I get that, but fuck her. It's her time to play rock star, so why don't you do to?"
I stared at him wide eyed. First his going off on my mother, then saying that I should be able to 'play rock star' like both of my parents have as well.
"What?!" I yelled. I pushed myself off from him, and sat on the end of the bed as far from his as I could go, "Just leave! Be like everyone else and run! Leave everything that I have hear because I'm not happy!? Running from my problems are not going to fix them, dammit! That's only going to make it worse! 'Cause they will still be here when I get here! I'm not leaving everybody."
I had to brace myself for what I was about to say, even it shocked me, "I'm not like my parents. I don't just leave when times get tough."
Xavier sat there, shocked that I would have the nerve to say it. "That's right, I said it. It took me this damn long, but I still said it. I'm not like my parents. I don't just leave everything that I have, and run away. I'm not a horrible person like that, nor will I ever be." I glanced at him, then pushed myself off the bed. "I'm going downstairs for the rest of the night. Don't even try to bother with getting me back in bed tonight."
I then just walked out, not caring if he was calling for me to stay or not. I was upset.
How dare he tell me that I should just leave? He has no right to say those things. I'm not my parents. I don't just leave when things get tough.
I walked downstairs, and into the living room. Turning on the T.V., I fell onto the couch, and a few tears fell. I curled into the cool leather, and started to sob.
I'm not like my parents.
I'm not like my parents.
I'm not like my parents.
...
Maybe I was like my parents?
