Fix Me

Chapter 19.

*****

I smiled to myself as I strung on the guitar strings softly while singing along... in my head.

Lyle and Natalie were in the kitchen while I sat in their music room. There was about an hour before I had to head to work so I figured I'd just play and write. I was dreading work a little because I was fighting to keep myself awake, I had been for a while

I looked up as the door opened and Lyle walked in. He shut it behind him, which was a little weird since he didn't usually do that, and sat on the carpet in front of me. He looked a lot different than he did in school. His hair was a mess and only his trousers reminded me he was a teacher as his button-up shirt was gone and he wore a black t-shirt and socks without his shoes on. He looked like a child whose parents had tried to dress him formally but he ended up playing with his friends and tossed his shoes and shirt somewhere randomly.

"Sounds nice." He smiled as he put a plate of sandwiches down between us.

"Thank you." I smiled looking down at my left hand as I played with the strings, not actually making a sound. "Lyle, I said I'm not hungry," I added watching my fingers move.

"I know what you said, and I made you some food." He said. I shook my head smiling but it fell when he spoke again. "Sounds... sad."

I didn't look up from my fingers.

"It is," I mumbled.

"Why?" He tilted his head. I shrugged and heard him sigh. "You know, I haven't forgotten about it..." I knew what 'it' was by the way he said the word, "Why would you do that Hannah? I've tried to figure it out by myself but I'm lost, and I'm concerned about you so I need you to explain it to me, was it a one-time thing or...?"

I gave a sharp sigh. "If I tell you, will you forget about it?" I asked not looking up at him.

"No." I was happy he answered honestly, "But you're going to tell me anyway because I'm not letting it go." He added seriously.

I bit my lip. "Uhm... I was fourteen and I'm fine." I said, telling him about one time was enough.

"So you... Uh... You tried to..." He drifted. I knew what he was saying, he had seen the biggest scar on my wrist, but not the others.

I shrugged and gave a nod still studying my fingers on the strings like it was the most interesting thing in the world just so that I didn't have to look him in the eye.

"Why?" He asked softly. I swallowed running through the list in my mind, I felt like I couldn't say any of it outloud.

"I don't know," I mumbled after we had been silent for a long time and it was beginning to get suffocating for me.

"You don't know?" He gave a dry laugh in disbelief, "Come on, Hannah."

"Let it go, Lyle," I mumbled.