I'm Not Okay ☞ Stylinson

Chapter 8

~Harry's POV~

Normally, it feels like I have a gaping hole in the middle of my chest. The feeling of emptiness is so unbearably terrible. It's so bad that I feel a painful sting where that emptiness lies. A constant physical reminder that it's not okay. That I'm not okay.

I've felt that way for as long as I can remember. I've grown so used to my heart literally aching from loneliness that I forgot how good it felt to not have it there. But with Louis in my arms, I regained that memory. The emptiness has been replaced. I felt complete.

That's how I knew this was dangerous. If he had the power to make me feel so content and perfectly unbroken, then there was no doubt in my mind that he also had the power to shatter my heart and break me beyond repair.

I shook my head and sat up in my bed. My dad is never around during the weekends so I didn't have to worry about him right now. I stared at my sheets and I knew tears were building up in my eyes. I blinked them away then rubbed my hands over my face as I told myself that I was fine.

I've been in bed all day because I couldn't find the strength to move. It's almost 4 and the mere thought of returning to school and my fathers cruel actions made my stomach hurt.

I looked outside and saw raindrops covering everything. The sound of thunder crashing filled my ears along with the sound the water made when it hit the floor.

I watched as they slid down the window and either joined together with other drops or turned into nothing. I let out a weak laugh at that because isn't that sort of how life is? You either become stronger or fade away.

I love rain. It's always been comforting to me. It lets you know that it's okay to cry because even the world has to do it sometimes.

I managed to finally stand up after about an hour of thinking and staring outside. I raised my arms above my head and stretched before slowly walking downstairs to make myself some tea.

I brought it upstairs and sat down in the same position I did before. I moved the blanket up further and raised my cup up to my lips, taking a sip of my hot drink.

After a few more minutes, I messaged Lou and asked him if he wanted to have a lazy day with me. He replied back saying that he'd be over in a few minutes.

I knew I needed to do a little cleaning before he got here so I went back into the kitchen to wash the cup I used for my tea. After that, I walked around and searched for the beer bottles that were all over the house. Once I got rid of them all, I sat on the couch and waited.

He's never been here before and his house was so much nicer than mine so I couldn't help but feel nervous. I anxiously moved my leg up and down out of habit. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and tried to stop overthinking.

Once the doorbell rung, I stood up and let him in, not wanting him to be out in the cold rain any longer. I could only hope that the house didn't smell like alcohol.

He quickly stepped inside and I shut the door right after so that the cold air didn't follow. I turned around to face him and saw that we were both wearing sweatpants and comfy shirts. What shocked me though, was the pair of glasses that laid on his nose.

"I didn't know you wore glasses." He gave me a small smile.

"I've always had them, I just don't wear them at school. I prefer contacts." He said as he took off his jacket.

"Well, you look cute." I instantly brought my hand up to cover my mouth. My eyes went wide but he just gave me a questioning look before laughing it off.

He really did look cute though. His sweatpants and beanie made him look extra cuddly while his glasses gave off an innocent vibe.

I moved my arm towards his jacket and offered to hang it up for him. While I did, he looked around before he met my gaze again and smiled a little.

I walked into the kitchen and he followed behind me.

"Do you want something to drink? I could make tea or hot coco."

"Hot coco please." I nodded and started making two cups of hot chocolate.

Once I finished, I took out some whipped cream and marshmallows and put a generous amount in both of our drinks. I handed him the mug and he gave me a great full look before taking a sip. He must be cold.

"So I figured we could just be lazy. Maybe watch some Netflix? I don't really feel like doing anything.

"Me neither. Netflix it is." He agreed.

I lead him upstairs into my room. I didn't want to touch any of my dads stuff. If he found out that I was in the living room, he'd be pissed.

I got my laptop and opened up Netflix, waiting for it to load. I got a few extra pillows as well as blankets so that we could get comfy. I wasn't sure where Louis would wanna sit so I asked.

"We could sit on the floor or on my bed. Whichever you're more comfortable with." My bed is rather small but if we tried, we could manage to both fit on it.

"Um the bed I guess? The floor isn't exactly the best option." He said, referring to the fact that I had clothes piled up all over the floor.

I blushed at that and looked down feeling a bit ashamed. It's not my fault. With school and everything else going on, cleaning isn't exactly very high on my priority list.

He noticed that I didn't take what he said as a joke and moved closer to me. He put his fingers underneath my chin and moved them in a way that forced me to look up at him.

"Hey, it's okay. There's no need to be embarrassed around me. I'm actually quite messy myself. I was only joking, love." He spoke each word gently, as if he believed that if he spoke any differently, I'd break.

He was staring directly into my eyes and I couldn't help but get lost in them. They're absolutely gorgeous. I glanced down at his lips and wanted nothing more than to put them on my own.

He doesn't just make me forget about how shitty everything is, he gives me hope. He makes me believe that maybe someday things are going to be different. That maybe I could eventually be happy. And I can't stop myself from wishing that he'll be the one to make that happen.

I realized that I was probably creeping Louis out. I mean, I was pretty much gaping at him. You can't blame me though, it doesn't seem possible for someone to be so perfect.

I drifted my eyes away from his and suggested that we watch something now. I laid back on my bed and watched as his did the same. I picked up my laptop again and placed it in between the middle of us.

We were browsing through all the choices, trying to decide what we should pick. I honestly don't care what we watch, I'm just happy that I'm with him.

He stopped scrolling and pointed at one. He looked over at me excitedly and started talking about how great it was. It was his favorite movie and he was trying to convince me to watch it with him.

He was rambling but I wasn't paying attention to anything he's saying. All I could think about was the way his eyes lit up when he talked about something he loves.

"Shh, stop rambling, boo. We can watch whatever you want." I chuckled at the face he gave me.

The movie started to play and we both became silent. I wasn't interested in the film, I just wanted to watch him watch it. I stared at him with such a fond look and I was almost positive that my admiration for him was radiating off of me.

Time flew by and we were almost half way through the movie. I was staring at the computer screen but the only thing I could focus on was the warm body that was snuggled up right next to me. I couldn't fight the urge anymore so I hesitantly cuddled closer into him. His eyes quickly moved away from the screen and onto me.

"Is this okay?" I asked quietly.

He nodded and smiled in response as he rested his head on my chest. He smelled like strawberries. I breathed in his scent and brought my hands up to his hair. It looked so silky and soft and I wanted to touch it.

He hummed as I started playing with his hair. I closed my eyes and sighed in content as I held the boy I love in my arms.