To you,
The word around me seems to crash down. I'm angered by all that is surrounding. I don't understand why I'm so angry. I hate being angry. I hate myself. There are times where I wish I didn't have to look in the mirror. I stare into my eyes at time and I wonder waht I'm thinking since I can inerpret through other people's eyes so easily why not be able to interpret my own?
Politics. They're everywhere. Bombings.... Everyone is getting injured. Right now people are being threatening so much. I can't believe this. Why not just destroy us already. I'm frustrated. I feel that I should just exploade already but I know from the past that if I do I can't do anything. I want people to hear me out but I don't want to go into the crowd and yell. Why should I bother? Who will listen?
It's so easy for me to get angry. I can't stop holding back my angry. Soemtimes I don't even know why I'm angry. Immaturities are pissing me off. I have been told what to do lately and I've sadly followed through. My best friend, Skyler, told me to just do what I wanted to do and not listen to anyone else. I've lost my touch. I'm known for doing what I want and now what am I doing? I'm following orders from someone else.
I'm watching politics. Jokes, the real thing, fakes. I just want to throw it all away. I'm afraid. I"m afraid for the Philippines, for America, for others. I'm not worried about me. I know that I'm not using the proper grammar. I'm doing it on purpose. Bare with me.
The world around me. It's crumbling, it's spinning, it's breathing... Barely breathing. I want to give it air to breath. I step back and try to let it have some air and yet I'm stil here. I'm still here watching. I'm getting pissed at the people who are around. The people I care for, the people I dislike, the people I just met. I'm mad at them all. I'm angry. Why is the world around me acting the way it is?
I'm unsure. My emotions astir. The wish for a knife and slit to the wrist to powerful yet I promised never to do it again. Again, I'm being controlled. And yet- I know that it's the better thing to do. I have compeition tomorrow. I shouldn't be this flustrated but I am. I can't stand myself right now. My own walls are starting to break. I just want to break down and cry. Haha. I never thought I would say that to my own face.
I'm writing. I'm not sure to who but I'm writing. I'm writing to you. Who ever you are. I don't care. You're listening. That's good enoguh for me. I want to give up. I'm done. Just completely let my breath go. Just as easy as the earth itself has lost it's oxygen I'm lossing mine. The world around me is crashing down. It's crashign down along with my own vibe. I'm falling. I'm being crushed by myself along with the world around me.
The music starts to play and I find myself lost. I'm unsure how to think. I don't want to think. I feel released. I don't want to sleep. If I sleep I will never wake up again. My eyes, they stay wide open. My heart. It's beating. I feel it. I'm alive again. I still feel stressed. It's alright. I don't have to follow the rules.
I don't know what I want to do later in life. I do know that right now it's trying to control what I'm to do yet it doesn't know how. Just as long as I don't know how what ever is trying to tak me over doesn;t know how. I see that I'm alone on the inside. I've ruined someone's life. How can I forgive myself? I've ruined myself. I can't do this.
The world around me
Is crashing down
And I feel myself going with it.
I can hardly take myself
Why should I help others?
I don't want this life anymore
I've done so much
That should be all I need to do.
Is seveenteen years enough?
No.
I can't give up just yet.
Yet I want to.
I feel the tears collect at the endge of my eyes.
My heart aches
I looking into my girls eyes
I don't want to leave her
Now I'm starting to feel in secure.
It's done
I've done what I have to someone else
I already feel bad
What more can I do
She told me to move on
There has been enough that I've done
And yet
I saved her as well as I ruined her
Her heart aches that I've done what I have
She wants me to go on
Can I?
I feel the growl deep inside me
I feel the depression riding
The angry not subsiding
I'm falling again
Ang again
I feel consumed
The world around me
Where am I?
I'm in the ruins of the earth
I'm gone
Just like everybody else
I've been consumed
And now I lay here
Bones crushed
Thinking to myself if I must not have let go completely
Because I'm still thinking
I'm able to think
So the world's not completely gone
I close my eyes
I don't want this anymore than I've already had
Lost.
Not entirely.
