Beauty and the Geek Boy

Chapter 42-Will

*Geek Boy*

This chapter references mental illness, depression, addiction, and suicide.

An important note, if you're suffering from a mental illness or finding it hard to cope, please reach out, please talk to someone, and please get help. There are thousands of helplines available all around the world with people willing to listen to what you're going through. Don't give up. You are so much more important than you think you are.

*

My car pulled up outside the house. Gripping the steering wheel, I took a deep breath. Despite it, my heart was still pounding rapidly in my chest.

I can do this. I can do this.

I stepped out of the car, walking towards the house.

The students who'd gone on the trip had arrived back this morning. I'd spent hours driving afterwards, putting off the inevitable.

My muscles tensed with apprehension as I stepped inside. I strode quietly through the hall, pausing in front of the entry to the kitchen and living room. Jed was sat at the kitchen island, his back to me. Alone, he looked sunken, his shoulders hunched, his head bent.

Had he always looked like he was in pain?

I cleared my throat.

Jed looked up, blinking like he was coming out of a daze. He straightened. "Oh, you're back." He stood and a pained smile flashed over his face. "You probably want me out of the kitchen, don't you? It's okay, I won't bother you."

He headed towards the door.

Don't be a coward Will.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Jed froze. He blinked slowly, his gaze returning to me. "You did?" The shock was audible in his voice.

Swallowing, I nodded. "I-I'd like to talk." I dragged a hand through my hair, staring at the ground. "If that's okay, I mean."

Jed blinked, then nodded quickly. "Yes, of course it is." He cleared his throat, gesturing to the island. "Sit with me?"

I nodded, walking to the stool opposite where he'd been sitting. Jed returned to his seat, staring at me. "So...what did you want to talk about?"

My gaze fell to the table. Why was it so difficult to get the words out?

"I..." I cleared my throat again. "I never let you tell me your side of everything that happened."

I risked a glance up. In the space of a second, Jed's face had sunk. For the first time, I really noted the shadows beneath his eyes and the wrinkles lining his face. He stared down at the table, dragging both hands through his short hair.

Then, without meeting my gaze, he spoke: "I suffer from depression."

I stiffened. "What?"

His throat shook when he swallowed. "I think it started in middle school. It felt like one day I was just..." he shrugged. "I wasn't functioning."

I couldn't hide my shock. Since middle school?

I could still remember Jed grinning at me every morning. Still remember him laughing with his friends. He'd been popular. The kind of person people gravitated to, like Ellie. I hadn't even considered it possible for him to be anything other than happy.

"I was good at pretending," he continued. "I learned how to smile in public. I learned how to smile at home. I learned how to smile around everyone. But when I was alone..." He trailed off, his grip on his head tightening. "I felt like I was dying," he rasped.