if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 22

seungkwan knew it wasn't his fault, but that was not the way it felt. he couldn't help it.

when wonwoo and mingyu broke up, his immediate thought was that it was his fault. and when wonwoo showed up at his doorstep the next day, seungkwan accepted him with open arms. a part of him had hoped mingyu would turn up, too, but he knew it wasn't likely.

seungkwan tried his hardest to give mingyu the space he needed, but he didn't want the older boy to be alone in his time of need. so he'd started a routine of dropping by the older boy's apartment and leaving him some takeout while he was on his way to work. he wouldn't enter the boy's bedroom just in case his presence wasn't welcomed. and he would come back the next day and bring more food, making sure to check the trash can for empty food containers. mingyu was eating, and that was all that mattered to the boy.

seungkwan didn't have to do much to assist wonwoo. the older boy camped out at his apartment just a few hours after they were texting.

seungkwan was fine with it. he was.

he would admit that he was getting a little tired of every conversation leading back to mingyu. and even when seungkwan encouraged wonwoo to go back to work, the older boy would just come back from his shifts and start his sentences off with, "and another thing about mingyu–"

seungkwan just learned to tune him out at that point in the week. he understood that wonwoo just needed to vent, so he would allow it. a part of him still felt some guilt, so he didn't think it would be fair to tell wonwoo to cool it with the mingyu stories.

seungkwan couldn't vocalize his guilt, though. when he told their friends about the break up, they were all shocked. and while they were spamming the chat with questions about the breakup, soonyoung reached out to seungkwan and asked him if he was doing fine. seungkwan was confused, but he just lied and said he was fine. he must have forgotten who he was talking to, because soonyoung sent him a series of texts telling him he knew seungkwan would spend this time comforting wonwoo and mingyu and he should just take care of himself. seungkwan was touched that the older boy knew him so well. but he didn't want him to worry, so he just lied again and said he would be fine.

seungkwan couldn't be honest, not to the man he'd known for over ten years or his own best friends.

the guilt seungkwan felt was so visceral. it was almost as if he was by their side that night, urging them to break up. he knew it wasn't true, even if a teeny tiny part of him wanted it to happen. the love he had for the two boys overpowered that part of him.

if seungkwan really thought about it, he kind of saw it coming.

yes, the couple seemed perfect from a distance. and they were. but he knew they had their own issues. wonwoo didn't like talking about his problems, and mingyu was the type to force these feelings out. and on the other side of that, mingyu was sometimes loud and brash and wonwoo savored the silent moments between them. and, yes, opposites attract, but there comes a point when those opposites end up repelling each other, as if they were magnets.

not to mention, mingyu was apparently in love with seungkwan. but seungkwan was just going to dismiss that as mingyu being in a sensitive place and just placing his misguided feelings onto the boy.

seungkwan did wonder what started the problems between the couple, though. they were doing great recently, better than ever, but things seemed to take a turn after the trip. and seungkwan didn't want to be immature and assume it was the trip that caused it. just because their friends got in silly little fights during or after the trips didn't mean that the same thing would happen to the couple, as well.

but maybe that might have been it. it was the only thing that made sense, and neither of the older boys were giving him anything to work with. he didn't want to nudge the information out of them, so that seemed like the only thing he could use at the moment.