if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 18

haha heyyy i'm unsure if this is going to work, but this is a spotify playlist i've made specifically for this story. i also listen to it when i'm writing this story so :p feel free to listen to it if you'd like :) also i'm always adding to it as the story progresses so it's a little long haha

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XeNh33P9tdFbpdswUHXQR?si=VpaA9c0RStGGPmmMZmDNkg&pi=u-t3nQfs0dS9CM

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it was a cycle. a vicious cycle, but a cycle.

this is how these situations usually play out: seungkwan self-isolates for whatever reason (usually feeling like he was annoying his friends, so he decided to give them space), he spends a few days on his own, his friends text him and say they're here for him, seungkwan eventually caves in and apologizes.

now, the apologies usually vary between people. if he were apologizing to minghao or seokmin or joshua, he would get them a sweet treat and profusely apologize. if he were apologizing to seungcheol or soonyoung or chan, he would give them each a free punch, which none of them took. well, soonyoung took it sometimes. but they've been friends for ten years, and that was just their dynamic.

when he had to apologize to mingyu or wonwoo, he would just show up to their house with alcohol and cheesy movies. one time, seungkwan showed up in the rain, which wonwoo insisted wasn't necessary, but he was secretly endeared by. this was, of course, after he rushed seungkwan inside and urged him to take a bath to warm up. he spent the rest of the night doting after seungkwan, swaddling him in blankets and ordering soup for him. and he wondered why seungkwan was in love with him – not that seungkwan assumed wonwoo even knew.

wonwoo truly didn't know the power he had over seungkwan. even a simple hello made the younger boy feel like his knees were buckling. and, now that this also applied to mingyu, seungkwan knew he was royally screwed.

with mingyu, seungkwan felt like he could truly just be himself. mingyu was like a breath of fresh air that wonwoo's otherwise suffocating presence brought to seungkwan. not that it was intentional from wonwoo. it was just the effect the older boy had on seungkwan.

when seungkwan had crushes on people, it was all-encompassing and also soul crushing within the same breath. and he'd had crushes on his friends before. but never the way he did for wonwoo, and certainly not as long as he did for wonwoo. it definitely didn't help that seungkwan saw him nearly every day, and wonwoo was only affectionate with him, knowing it was one of the younger boy's love languages.

but when seungkwan was with mingyu, he felt like he didn't need to worry about any of that. he didn't need to worry about liking mingyu because he never saw him that way, and he assumed mingyu didn't see him that way, as well. being with mingyu really made seungkwan feel like he could just be himself around the older boy and not worry if he was embarrassing himself in front of his crush like he did with wonwoo.

well. things were different now. so, seungkwan was unsure how to proceed.

seungkwan, for some strange reason, felt like none of the same rules applied anymore. so, what did he do? he shot mingyu a quick text and didn't bother to check if the older boy responded. it was a heartfelt message, as heartfelt as the younger boy could muster after three weeks of ignoring his best friends.

seungkwan had half a mind to text mingyu a hey srry for everything. we cool ?  but he had a heart. he wasn't going to do that to mingyu, though he wanted to, solely for the purpose of wanting to avoid his problems a little longer.